What Lies Within
by xRayne-chanx
Summary: LightxL/LxLight. Shonen-ai & some fluff. Just as Light and L come to terms with their seemingly impossible relationship, Light regains his power as Kira. Now he has a choice to make: kill L or forefit his vision of a better world?
1. Sleeptalking

**A/N: I can't believe I'm actually writing a DN fanfic…!!! This might just be either the best or the worst idea I've ever had…I'm not really sure yet. :D This fic was inspired by my oneshot, Hopelessly Hopeful, and I may or may not incorporate it into the story. But I **_**do**_** have an idea for this story, and I'm really hoping I can make it work. A word of warning, though: this isn't going to be a happy, fluff-filled fanfic. There will be fluff, because I believe that no fanfic is complete without it, but there will be some sad stuff, too. I'm not yet decided on the ending, though. It may or may not be happy, depending on how this goes…**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: Light and L are not mine. :(**

**[Light's POV]**

_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap._

Light groaned and rolled onto his side. What was that noise?

_Tap-tap-tap…Pause._

"Good morning, Yagami-kun."

Light opened his eyes slowly, unwillingly, letting them adjust in the darkened room. Ryuzaki was seated next to the bed, typing away at a laptop that sat perched on his knees. "Have you ever heard of _sleep_, Ryuzaki?"

"Did Yagami-kun rest well?" The detective asked in his usual monotone, ignoring the annoyance in Light's voice. He turned to look at Light, the bluish light from the laptop casting an eerie glow onto his pale features.

Light sat up, rubbing his eyes, and glanced at the alarm clock. _4:17_. He turned back to the detective, whose scrutinizing gaze bore into his with unusual intensity. "Not really," he replied, stifling a yawn.

"Why not?" Ryuzaki asked, his eyes returning to the glowing laptop screen.

Light yawned again and slid off of the bed. The soft thud of his bare feet hitting the carpet was drowned out by the noisy clank of the chains on his wrist. He eyed them disdainfully before returning his attention to Ryuzaki. "I couldn't stop thinking about the Kira case," he admitted in response to the other man's question.

"Did you have any nightmares, Yagami-kun?"

Light was silent for a moment, remembering the dark, twisted dreams of the night before…they had been so real, so _vivid_, that even now, fully conscious and aware, it was hard for him to believe that they had been little more than the product of imagination. Worst of all, though, was that he'd seen every second through the eyes of Kira himself. He'd had no choice but to watch, horrified, as the innocent fell before him, hear himself _laugh_ as their blood seeped through his hands…An involuntary shiver traveled down his spine, and he fought to repress the violent memories. _Just dreams. Nothing more. _"Yeah…nightmares," he echoed. _Just dreams…_"How did you know?"

"You were talking in your sleep," Ryuzaki stated matter-of-factly.

"Really?" Light mused, careful to conceal his surprise. "What did I say?"

"Mostly muttered incoherencies…although…" Ryuzaki paused, turning to look at him. Light was surprised to see that his dark, obsidian eyes held some unfamiliar emotion in them, and he wondered what it was that he'd said…

"What? I didn't admit to being Kira, did I?" he asked, hoping his attempt at humor would disguise his apprehension.

"No…although, that would have been rather…interesting," Ryuzaki murmured.

"So, what _did _I say, then?"

Ryuzaki was silent for a moment. He turned away from Light and shifted slightly in his seat. To Light, he seemed almost uncomfortable_. How…uncharacteristic._

"You…said my name…once or twice…," Ryuzaki admitted softly. Light thought he could hear a faint trace of emotion in the other man's voice, and he had to keep himself from straining to see Ryuzaki's expression.

"Oh…," he replied, an unusual warmth spreading across his face. Was he…_blushing_? Light turned his head away, glad that Ryuzaki hadn't seen him. "I…I don't remember you in any of my dreams…" Light mulled over the previous night's dreams in his head; he could remember the details of his nightmares all too well, and he was certain that Ryuzaki had not been a part of them. But there had been other dreams, better ones, mingled with the nightmares…those dreams had already started to fade, dominated by the presence of reality. "You can't leave me be even in my sleep, can you, Ryuzaki?" he joked, jingling the chain for emphasis.

"I don't want to be chained to you any more than you do to me, Light," Ryuzaki replied. His voice was its usual monotone again, devoid of emotion. Had Light just been imagining things?

"I was just joking," he said, gripping the edge of the chair. His fingers brushed against the other man's knee, and Ryuzaki tensed up as if he'd been shocked. Light pulled his hand away immediately, surprised. _What was going on? _"Are you okay, Ryuzaki?"

"I'm…fine," Ryuzaki replied, relaxing slightly. "Thank you for your concern, Yagami-kun."

"I…uh…," Light responded, a bit flustered. _Since when did Ryuzaki say 'thank-you'? _"Err…you're welcome, I guess."

Ryuzaki turned back to him, his face expressionless as usual. Whatever was bothering him a moment before seemed to have disappeared. _How…strange_, Light mused silently.

The two men lapsed into silence, Ryuzaki staring intently at the laptop while Light stood awkwardly at his side, unsure of what to do.

"Would Yagami-kun like some breakfast?" Ryuzaki asked without looking away from the screen.

"At…," Light glanced at the clock, "4:22 in the morning?"

"Yes."

"I'm not really hungry right now. Maybe a cup of coffee, though."

"Of course." Ryuzaki stood, setting the laptop on the chair, and followed Light as he headed toward the kitchen.

"Would you like some?"

"Hmm?" Ryuzaki looked up, distracted, as Light interrupted his thoughts.

"Would you like some?" Light repeated. "Coffee?"

"Oh. Yes, thank you." He said before returning his gaze to the floor.

Light regarded Ryuzaki's hunched-over form for another moment before he turned to fill the measuring cup with water. The detective seemed deep in thought, and Light wondered absently what he was thinking about. _Maybe the Kira case…?_ _But he seems so…_Light struggled to find a word to describe the subtle change in Ryuzaki's behavior. _He doesn't act this way when he's talking about the investigation. _Light had worked next to him long enough to know when he was thinking about Kira. There was a determination in the way he spoke, in the way he acted, as if his every word would bring them closer to finding the vile murderer. It was an entirely different kind of intensity than that which had seemed to encompass him now.

Light's eyes traveled back to Ryuzaki, and he watched quietly as the raven-haired man shuffled over to the table and sat in his usual position. The detective placed the tip of his thumb into his mouth-something he did when deep in thought, Light had noticed-and curled his toes over the edge of his chair. His gaze never strayed from the table as Light continued to observe him.

Reluctantly, Light turned back to the counter and finished preparing his coffee.

**A/N: Horrible ending, I know. And if you lived through this chapter, you deserve an award! :) I'm sorry it's so boring, but I have to start somewhere. I promise the next chapter will be better.**

**Next chapter: Ryuzaki contemplates his feelings for Light, as Light continues to wonder what's making Ryuzaki act so differently.**

**Review! More reviews=more fluff! ^_______^**


	2. Unusual Behavior

**A/N: Important note here---I absolutely hate the fact that L and Light have to be chained together simply because chains make **_**noise**_**. I'm always forgetting to mention the noises the chains make when they move, and it's really hard for me to go back and add it in because it disrupts the flow of my sentences. Sooooo…I'm just going to pretend like they've gotten so used to the chain that they don't really notice the noises it makes anymore, 'kay? :] (I know it's lame :P) I'll try to include noises when it's really quiet and stuff-if I don't, just assume that they're being really careful to keep the chain from making noise [i.e., trying not to wake each other up…]. Thanks! :3**

**Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: L+Light=not mine. :(**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

_Ryuzaki sighed softly and brushed the hair out of Light's face. Light writhed under his gentle touch, mumbling distressed incoherencies as he tossed and turned. He ached to comfort Light, but he was afraid to wake him. Every so often, Light's labored movements would stop, and he would grow silent. Ryuzaki would sigh with relief and pray that his nightmares not return, but they always did. _

_Half an hour later, Light lapsed back into a peaceful slumber. His labored panting slowed into quiet, rhythmic breaths, and his tense muscles relaxed. Ryuzaki regarded the sleeping form with fascination; it was the only time Light ever let his guard down. Now, illuminated only by the pale starlight that seeped through the blinds, it was hard for Ryuzaki to see him as a murderer. He looked so vulnerable, so innocent-his silky auburn hair framing the smooth contours of his face, his pale lids and soft, full lips glistening in the silvery light, the subtle rise and fall of his chest…he was perfect and beautiful in his tranquil state, an angel in the midnight hour._

_If only Light could show him that this sleeping seraph was no different from the Light he knew…if only he would allow Ryuzaki to break down the walls he built around himself, to peel away the lies he had tangled himself in, maybe he would find this innocent boy lurking beneath. And how he ached to know! But he so often doubted Light, so often feared what he would find…_

_A quiet, muffled stirring interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see Light turned towards him, a soft smile on his lips. He looked so peaceful, so serene…_

_Ryuzaki returned his gaze to the floor, trying to recollect his train of thought._

"_Ryuu…Ryuzaki," Light murmured softly. Ryuzaki's head snapped up immediately, surprised by the sound of his name. _Had Light waken up? _But Light's eyes were still closed, the same tranquil smile still graced his lips…he gently grasped the sheets and then released them, turning over onto his other side before murmuring Ryuzaki's name again._

_Ryuzaki's eyes widened, and he was flooded with some foreign emotion that warmed him from head to toe. Unconsciously, he drew closer to the sleeping figure, reaching out towards him…he stopped, his hand hovering above Light's for a moment before he abruptly withdrew it. _What am I doing?_ He wondered. But he still ached to touch Light, to whisper his name back to him…He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _Light Yagami was a Kira suspect. He would not feel this...this _feeling, _whatever it was, for a man whom he suspected to be a murderer. _And yet, the aching still coursed through him, the unfamiliar feeling still holding him captive._

_There he stayed late into the night, transfixed with the strange new emotion that had overwhelmed him._

-x-

"Thank you," Ryuzaki murmured as Light placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. He took a sugar cube from the bowl in front of him and dropped it into the hot liquid with a satisfying _plop_. After adding another five cubes and several tablespoons' worth of cream, he held a spoon between his thumb and forefinger and stirred the sweetened mixture until it was almost white.

"That's…disgusting," Light remarked, observing his sugary coffee. "Don't you know how unhealthy that is for you?"

Ryuzaki ignored Light's comments, raising the cup to his lips to sip at the warm liquid. He closed his eyes and swallowed, enjoying the sweet flavor on his tongue. In truth, the taste coffee had never really appealed to him; he preferred to disguise the bitterness with sugar. He opened his eyes, lowering his mug to the table, to find Light staring intently at him. His stomach twisted as Light's warm, honey eyes met his for a fraction of a second, and both men quickly averted their gazes downward.

"Why was Light-kun staring at me?" Ryuzaki asked, peeking up through his lashes to see Light's expression. Light's hair hung down over his eyes, and he was biting his lip as he tried to hide his embarrassment.

"I was trying to figure out what you were thinking about," Light confessed. His eyes met Ryuzaki's again, this time with more confidence. "It seems like something's bothering you."

Ryuzaki held Light's gaze for another moment before returning his eyes to the table. His toes curled themselves around the edge of his chair as he thought about what to say. Light's observation had been right; there _was _something bothering him. But how was Ryuzaki supposed to tell Light that it was about _him_?

He couldn't stop thinking about the previous night, when Light had whispered his name…he simply didn't understand it. He couldn't comprehend why something of so little apparent significance could so entirely dominate his thoughts…and yet, he had spent the entire night replaying the moment again and again in his mind, trying to understand the feeling that had overwhelmed him. That peculiar feeling returned every time he looked at the youth, making him wish Light would whisper his name again…

"Ryuzaki?" Light asked softly. His warm gaze held a trace of concern for the detective, and Ryuzaki found himself staring at Light again, mesmerized by his flawless features…"_Is _something bothering you?"

Ryuzaki was silent, contemplating. Did he trust Light? _No. _As much as he wanted to trust him, he had to admit that he was still suspicious of the boy. But he had a strange urge to tell Light what he was thinking, smooth the confusion and distress from those soft, honey eyes…_Light could use this as an advantage, _he reasoned to himself. _I can't let him know that he has this…this _power_ over me._

"Did I do something wrong?" Light pressed, his expression growing worried.

"I'm just thinking about the Kira case," Ryuzaki lied smoothly, fighting his instinct to tell Light the truth.

He caught a flash of doubt in the younger man's eyes before he composed his expression. "Oh," Light replied flatly, careful to conceal his suspicion.

"You don't believe me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Light faltered. "Because you don't _act _this way when you're thinking about the investigation."

"Would Yagami-kun remind me exactly _how _I act when I'm thinking about the investigation?" Ryuzaki asked dryly, inwardly marveling at Light's keen observation.

"I don't know." Light shrugged. "Just…different." He paused, waiting for a reply. But Ryuzaki continued to remain silent, tacitly urging him to carry on. Light sighed and began to explain. "Today, you seem almost…confused. You never seem confused when you're thinking about the investigation. Or, at least," he smiled, "you hide it really well."

Ryuzaki listened to Light's conclusion, surprised at his intuitiveness. "Interesting," he murmured, more to himself than to Light.

"So…," Light began. Ryuzaki stared absently, waiting for him to continue. Light sighed. "Will you tell me what's bothering you?"

Ryuzaki wondered why the youth was so persistent. Why did it matter to Light if something was bothering him? _Does he perhaps have an ulterior motive to find out…? _He wondered. "Why does Yagami-kun seem so concerned?" _Is it because you're Kira?_

Light groaned, immediately understanding the thoughts behind Ryuzaki's seemingly innocent question. "Can you please stop trying to convince yourself that I'm Kira?"

"I believe Yagami-kun did not answer my question."

Light pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, letting out a long, frustrated sigh before he turned to look at Ryuzaki again. "Did you ever even consider that it might be because I actually _care_, Ryuzaki?"

**A/N: GHASP! Light actually cares! How…cute. :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review! I'd love to hear your opinions---especially on my portrayal of the characters. I'm really trying hard to keep them in-character, and some constructive criticism would really help. ;) Thanks! :3**

**Next Chapter: Ryuzaki's reaction to Light's shocking revelation, and possibly admitting to Light what's been bothering him…:)**


	3. Believing

**A/N: Ok. Before you start this chapter, let me explain one thing: L's mood at the end of the last chapter immediately changes at the beginning of this chapter as a result of what Light said. And, then, after Light sees L's reaction, **_**his **_**mood shifts, too. So, don't get confused when they, like, suddenly start making out.**

**Hahah! Just joking! :D**

…**Or am I? ;D Read to find out!...[But I was totally serious about the mood-shift thing. Don't get confused. :)]…**

**And---before I forget---I'd like to dedicate this chapter to the very nice people who have added this story to their alerts/favorites and/or reviewed: Translucent Darkness, Emilin Rose, Emery Board, Cursed Cain, SonokoTao, and Addicted to Dreams. You guys are the reason I write! :) 3 3 3**

**Disclaimer: L/Ryuzaki and Light/Kira are not mine [P.S., Light isn't Kira again yet, in case I forgot to mention…although you probably already figured that out. :P]. :(**

**Previously on [insert name of Soap Opera here]…**

**LOLOLOL. =D [Sorry. I couldn't resist.] Okay, for realz this time…**

**Previously…**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

"_So…," Light began. Ryuzaki stared absently, waiting for him to continue. Light sighed. "Will you tell me what's bothering you?"_

_Ryuzaki wondered why the youth was so persistent. Why did it matter to Light if something was bothering him? _Does he perhaps have an ulterior motive to find out…?_ He wondered. "Why does Yagami-kun seem so concerned?" _Is it because you're Kira?

_Light groaned, immediately understanding the thoughts behind Ryuzaki's seemingly innocent question. "Can you please stop trying to convince yourself that I'm Kira?"_

"_I believe Yagami-kun did not answer my question."_

_Light pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, letting out a long, frustrated sigh before he turned to look at Ryuzaki again. "Did you ever even consider that it might be because I actually_ care_, Ryuzaki?"_

-x-

Ryuzaki had expected such an answer; what _else _could Light have said? What he had not anticipated was the sudden rush of emotion that swelled within him upon hearing the boy's words. He fought to repress the strange, irrational surge of joy, and it was several moments before he could think clearly again. When the haze had cleared from his mind, he abruptly found himself gazing intently at Light. A shy, subtle smile had crept onto his face, noticeable only for a moment before he managed to compose his features again. He tore his eyes away from Light's, trying to suppress the subtle heat that rose to his cheeks.

_What am I _doing_? _Ryuzaki wondered silently. He glanced up at Light to see if the boy had noticed his reaction. There was a faint hint of surprise in Light's expression, but it was quickly replaced with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," he said, shifting awkwardly in his seat. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

Ryuzaki looked up at Light, slightly astonished at his assumption. "Light-kun does not need to worry. He has not caused me any…discomfort."

"Oh," Light said, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. "I just thought…"

The two remained silent for several moments. Ryuzaki marveled soundlessly at the strange giddiness Light's words had brought him, wondering why it was that they were so important to him. He could not refuse himself, though, the realization that it really _did _matter to him that Light cared. However, there were suspicions against Light that still lingered in his mind, products of a lifetime of distrust. He knew that he had to consider the possibility that Light was acting, manipulating his emotions. The mere thought itself threatened to swallow his happiness, and he was momentarily tempted to erase it from his mind.

But he still could not deny himself the importance of Light's words to him-despite his suspicions-, and he realized that he cared for the boy as well. "Thank you," he whispered, a touch of emotion in his voice.

Light's eyes met his again, and Ryuzaki detected a faint glimmer of surprise amidst the warm honey depths. But there was another emotion hidden there, carefully concealed beneath a composed expression…"You're welcome," Light said softly, a faint smile playing at the edges of his lips.

That new, unusual happiness surged through Ryuzaki, and he made no attempt to suppress the feeling as he found himself returning Light's smile.

-x-

**[Several days later…]**

**[Light's POV]**

"Matsuda-kun! You forgot your coat!" Light called into the hallway. Matsuda turned upon hearing his name, and Light took the opportunity to toss the grey lump of fabric at the rather scatterbrained detective.

Matsuda caught the coat awkwardly between his arms, his black briefcase swinging wildly. "Thanks, Yagami-kun!" He said, smiling gratefully at the boy before continuing down the hallway.

Light sighed and withdrew into the apartment, closing the door behind him. It had been a long day at headquarters, and everyone was becoming frustrated with the apparent dead-end turn the investigation had taken. Even Ryuzaki seemed slightly irritated by the absence of evidence, Light had noticed. The usually calm, patient detective appeared to have little tolerance for case lately, and Light couldn't help but wonder if there was something else distracting him.

Since Light had mentioned his name in his sleep several nights before, Ryuzaki hadn't been the same. Light would often find him deep in thought, like that first morning…but it was different, too. It seemed like whatever had been bothering him was gone; now he was merely contemplative. Light didn't know if it was one thing that had dominated his thoughts, or many, but he had an instinctive feeling that it had something to do with their conversation that morning.

Light had often found himself thinking about that conversation, as well, in the days that had followed. Again and again he had tried to decipher the older man's strange reaction when he had told him that he cared about him. It had almost seemed to make Ryuzaki _happy_ when he said it, as if he _wanted_ Light to care about him. Light had expected his words to make the detective suspicious, but it seemed so far that they had done the opposite. He was glad to see that Ryuzaki was beginning to trust him. More than that, he _wanted _Ryuzaki's trust; not only to prove his innocence, but to show his friend that he _had _been telling the truth when he'd said he cared.

But there was something else about Ryuzaki's reaction that had been bothering Light, too. Ryuzaki had seemed genuinely _surprised _when Light told him he cared about him, as if he hadn't already come to that conclusion. It made Light wonder how many people had told Ryuzaki that they cared for him. Certainly he couldn't be the first?

"Yagami-kun?" A voice asked, interrupting his thoughts.

Light turned to see Ryuzaki sitting in a chair several feet away, staring intently at him. The detective's inky black hair framed his thin, pale face in a spiky disarray, and his wide black eyes penetrated Light's with unnerving intensity. Light had always found Ryuzaki's appearance-his eyes, in particular-to be slightly unsettling; it wasn't as if the detective's features were unappealing-more so that every time he looked at Light, he seemed to be looking straight into his soul. It was almost as if he could sense that those eyes held the secret to unlocking him…There was something vague and mysterious about Ryuzaki's eyes that could fascinate him and confuse him and intimidate him all at the same time.

"Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"Is Yagami-kun tired?"

Light stifled a yawn. "A little," he replied absently. "But I've got too much on my mind to fall asleep right now."

"Yagami-kun is thinking about the investigation?" Ryuzaki asked in a tone that suggested he believed otherwise.

Light shrugged. "Yeah…a lot of stuff," he responded vaguely. He couldn't see a reason not to tell him the truth, but he didn't really know how to admit to Ryuzaki that he'd been thinking about him without causing a multitude of undesirable assumptions.

"Perhaps Yagami-kun could elaborate…?" Ryuzaki pressed, unable to mask the curiosity in his voice.

Light grimaced inwardly, casting his eyes downward. He didn't want to lie to Ryuzaki, and he knew that the cunning detective would only use his supposed suspicion to manipulate Light into telling him. It seemed he had no choice but to tell Ryuzaki the truth. "I noticed you've been acting…differently…since Monday morning…," he admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his chair before continuing, "and…I was trying to figure out your reaction to when I…um, when I told you cared about you."

"…I see." Ryuzaki made no attempt to disguise the surprise in his voice. "What does Yagami-kun find confusing about my…reaction?" He asked, choosing to address the more sensitive of the two subjects.

"I just…" Light faltered, unsure of how to continue.

"I appreciate your regard for my feelings, Yagami-kun, but I would prefer if you not let them keep you from answering."

Light nodded. "You seemed surprised. I…I guess I just thought you already knew…," he admitted, finally allowing his eyes to meet Ryuzaki's again.

Ryuzaki's gaze was piercing, and something twisted in Light's stomach as he stared back with equal intensity. "How could I have known?" Ryuzaki inquired softly.

"Well…" Light thought for a moment before continuing. "Usually, when someone cares about someone else, they want them to be happy…." He trailed off, trying to find words to express what he wanted to say.

"You want me to be happy, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked timidly, emotion sparkling in his dark eyes.

"Of course I do, Ryuzaki," Light replied, surprised at the use of his first name. Some strange new ache stirred deep within him as he stared into the other man's eyes. He instinctively drew closer, gently resting his fingertips on Ryuzaki's hand. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ryuzaki looked down, and Light suddenly found himself missing his peculiar, compelling gaze. He could see the doubt flickering in Ryuzaki's eyes, could feel the suspicion crawling into his mind…it made his heart ache to know that he still couldn't be trusted. "Please believe me," he pleaded softly, not knowing what else to do.

-x-

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

Ryuzaki closed his eyes, refusing to let himself succumb to the reassuring warmth of Light's gaze. _You can't let him do this to you_, he thought, fighting to contain the intense, irrational feelings that had overcome him. He couldn't trust Light-couldn't trust _himself _to keep Light from seeing how vulnerable he was. But even then, he could sense that his struggle was in vain; Light's simple words had completely overwhelmed him, and he felt that there was nothing he could do against this new emotion. He didn't _want _the feeling to go away-he didn't want to fight it. There was something, something he couldn't comprehend, that made him want so desperately to believe Light. And, he knew, as Light's fingertips brushed a trail of fire across his hand, that he was very much in danger of doing so.

"Please believe me," Light whispered gently, his words seeping into Ryuzaki's mind like a drug. He found himself looking up at Light again, surprised to see the hurt that his doubt had caused. The pain in Light's warm honey eyes melted away all of his distrust, leaving him completely vulnerable under the smoldering gaze.

And before he could make sense of what was happening, before he could even _think_, Light's lips were on his, gentle and warm. His logic, his sense, all the lies he had carefully constructed to protect himself-they all crumbled into nothingness in the moment Light's lips met his. They were replaced by a searing fire, slowly spreading throughout his entire body as it took hold of him. His hands reached up to entwine themselves in Light's silky auburn hair as the youth's soft lips traced pleasant, unfamiliar patterns against his. He could feel Light's hand on his chest, burning through his thin shirt like fire.

Light suddenly broke away, panting, his cool breath fanning across Ryuzaki's face. Ryuzaki breathed in deeply, opening his eyes again to find Light's face only inches away. His warm honey eyes were overflowing with emotion, and he pressed his lips to the Ryuzaki's again for only a moment before pulling away. Ryuzaki rested his forehead against Light's, one of his hands trailing around the boy's neck before coming to rest on his chest.

"I believe you," he whispered breathlessly, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

**A/N: Oooooh, shmexy. XD I know it was a little…sudden, but I felt like I couldn't torture you guys any longer. ;) And, of course, there's the fact that neither of them actually consciously made the decision to kiss one another…sometimes things just sorta happen, y'know? So we'll just assume that Light's "emotions overwhelmed him," blah blah blah, something to that extent. So…yeah. Hopefully I'll be able to raise the temperature some in the next few chapters ;D ;D ;D [But I'm still sticking to my no-lemons rule---it's not that I don't approve of lemons or anything ((Hooray for lemons!!)), I just can't…**_**write **_**them. It's physically impossible. I'll explode.] So…keep reading! And…umm…review! :D**

**Next chapter: Ryuzaki's doubts about Light return-but he can't deny the fact that he's finally beginning to trust him. And an interesting invitation…what could it be? :O [Plus, maybe more kissing…**_**if **_**you review! C:]**


	4. Invitation

**A/N: Very, very unexpected chapter. For me, at least. I **_**was **_**going to write about Light and/or Ryuzaki wondering if they were in love…but, umm, this is what I wrote instead. :D Don't ask me. Besides, I needed to write in some fluff before the beginning of the Yotsuba arc [which I am kind of dreading…]. :) So, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Light/Kira and L/Ryuzaki don't belong to me. D:**

**[Several days later…]**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

"Bye, Yagami-kun! Bye, Ryuzaki!" Matsuda called, waving goodbye before the elevator doors closed in front of him.

Ryuzaki was flooded with relief as he closed the apartment door, glad that the task force had finally left. He had suffered an especially vexing day, and he couldn't wait to force all thoughts of the investigation from his head.

The endless hours of work were becoming increasingly more difficult to endure, and he often found himself wishing the day would be over. As determined as he was to catch Kira, he couldn't seem to make sense of the strange occurrences that had taken place. Nothing seemed to add up; If Light was Kira, then how were people still dying? And if he _wasn't _Kira…then who was?

He had been so sure that Light was Kira, but now he suddenly found that hard to believe. And he couldn't deny that something in Light had changed…was it that he _used _to be Kira, perhaps? It was certainly a possibility. He couldn't doubt himself enough to conclude that Light never had been Kira, and yet he simply refused to believe that Light still _was _Kira. He was more than 90% certain that his hypothesis was correct; so much so that he had even considered removing the handcuffs. The only problem with his theory was that he had no concrete evidence to support it-and, whether it was true or not, Kira was still out there.

They had come no closer to catching the murderer than they had been several weeks ago. And yet, every day, people were still dying, helpless victims of Kira's fatal wrath…it was something that haunted him. _Damn it, Kira, _he thought to himself, _I _will _catch you…_

Ryuzaki sighed and closed his eyes, willing himself to forget about the investigation for a few hours. _Where's Light? _He wondered silently. The cunning youth seemed to have a natural talent for distracting him…

A pair of warm, sturdy arms suddenly wrapped themselves around him. "Mmm, Ryuzaki…I thought they would _never _leave," Light whispered, his lips at Ryuzaki's ear.

Ryuzaki smiled and leaned into Light, his hand reaching up to stroke the boy's silky auburn locks. "Are we a little impatient today, Light-kun?"

Light chuckled softly. "You could say that," he replied, pressing his lips to Ryuzaki's hair.

Ryuzaki twisted in his arms, turning so that he could rest his head on Light's chest. "I missed you too, Light-kun," he murmured into the fabric of his shirt.

Light drew back, gently titling Ryuzaki's chin upward so that their eyes met. His gaze was smoldering as he traced a cool finger across the detective's smooth lips. Ryuzaki closed his eyes, his lips parting slightly under Light's hand as he melted into the soft touch.

Light's hand trailed along his jaw and down his neck, coming to rest at the center of his chest. His other hand twined into Ryuzaki's hair, gently pulling him closer. Ryuzaki could feel Light's cool breath fanning across his face, their lips only inches apart. His stomach twisted in anticipation, and he eagerly closed the distance between them…

**[Light's POV]**

Something in Light's pocket began to vibrate, and a gravelly male voice shattered the silence between them.

"_WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai hanzai kienai towa ni, WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai urami ni wana dare daun, WHAT'S UP fuanzai ippai hanzai kienai towa ni--- _" Light sighed and disentangled himself from Ryuzaki, reaching into his pocket and flipping his phone open.

"Hello?" he asked in a rather irritated voice, ignoring Ryuzaki's disapproving grimace.

"_Light? It's your father_," the voice responded.

Light blinked, surprised. "Dad? What do you need? Is everything okay?"

"_Yes,_" the voice responded. "_I called to ask if you wanted to come home for dinner. Ryuzaki is invited too, of course._"

"Oh, um…why didn't you ask while you were still here?"

"_It was your mother's idea. She's making nigiri, your favorite._"

"Okay. Let me ask Ryuzaki." Light covered the lower half of the phone with his hand and turned to the frowning detective. "Is it okay if we go to my house for dinner?"

Surprise flitted across Ryuzaki's features. "I…I suppose. But you do know that I'll be coming, too…," he replied, staring pointedly at the chain that connected them.

Light nodded, the corners of his lips turning up in amusement before he removed his hand from the phone.

"Ryuzaki says that'll be fine, dad."

"_Good. Do you need me to pick you up?_"

"Uh, sure."

"_Okay, I'll be there in fifteen minutes._"

"Sounds good, dad. See you soon."

Light closed his phone and slipped it back into his pocket, turning back to Ryuzaki. The look of astonishment on the detective's face made him laugh, and he pulled him into a tight embrace. "Don't worry," he said in a reassuring voice, "my mother's not _that _bad of a cook."

Ryuzaki smiled and wrapped his arms around Light. "I'm sure she's an excellent cook, Light-kun."

Light chuckled, brushing a few strands of inky black hair away from Ryuzaki's eyes before gently pressing his lips to the detective's forehead. "I hope you like sushi then, Ryuzaki."

**A/N: Hehe. Silly Light, Ryuzaki only likes sugar. :) And, in case you didn't notice, Light's ringtone was the Death Note theme song in romaji. ;D It's called 'What's Up People' by Maximum the Hormone. I would've put it in English, but I figured it might be harder to recognize. So, yeah. :3 Hope you liked it.**

**Next chapter: A very…**_**interesting**_** dinner at the Yagami household. ;D**


	5. Test

**A/N: I have to admit, I sort of made a mistake in the last chapter. When Light "disappeared," Soichiro told his wife that Light moved out with Misa. But Light also supposedly did not leave any contact information---so Soichiro shouldn't let his wife know that he has Light's cell phone number. :D Whoops. So, we're going to assume that, since Soichiro was supposedly "mad" at Light for moving out with Misa, he refused to contact him. And his wife finally convinced him to ask Light to come for dinner. :) She, of course, doesn't know that Light is actually working on the investigation, or that he's chained to L. Oh, also---since I don't think it said anything about it in the manga, I'm guessing that she thinks Light is still in school. **

**Disclaimer: Death Note=LxLight. Death Note=not mine. Therefore, LxLight=not mine. That's called **_**algebra**_**, people. xD**

**[Light's POV]**

Light could barely remember the last time he'd been outside…It seemed like _forever _ago. He'd become so used to the little apartment he shared with Ryuzaki-being that it was all he'd seen in the last several months-that it felt almost strange to be outside again.

At first, he was surprised that Ryuzaki had agreed to let him see his family again, especially considering their rather…_unusual _circumstances. Of which, he knew, his mother had no knowledge; how would she react when she saw that her son was chained to another man? What explanation could he possibly provide…?

It was with this question in his mind that he stepped into his father's car, almost sorry to be inside again. He smiled at his father's reflection in the rearview mirror, glad that he was finally seeing his family again.

"Thank you, Yagami-san. I do apologize for intruding on your family dinner." Ryuzaki said, addressing Soichiro as he slid into the car beside Light. He seated himself next to the smiling youth, who watched in amusement as he curled into his usual sitting position.

"We're, uh, glad to have you, Ryuzaki," Soichiro replied, easing the car into the busy street.

"I'm assuming that your wife is not aware of Light's current predicament…?" Ryuzaki inquired, referring to the chain that bound him to Soichiro's son.

Light chuckled. _What am I going to tell my mother?_ He wondered amusedly.

"No. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to explain that to her. She's been begging me for weeks to ask Light to come over…I figured she'd have to see you, sooner or later. I can't keep making excuses."

"I understand, Yagami-san. I do not believe an explanation will be needed."

"What do you mean, Ryuzaki?" Light asked hopefully. _Does this mean…?_

"I've concluded that these handcuffs are no longer necessary," Ryuzaki replied, producing a key from his jean pocket and easily unlocking the metal restraint on his wrist.

Light's eyes widened, surprised. His initial shock was quickly replaced by a deep gratification. _I'm finally earning his trust_, he thought, happy at the idea. It was unclear to him why he craved Ryuzaki's trust so much, but he could not deny how much it meant to him.

Ryuzaki reached over to unlock the cuff around his wrist, his fingers brushing softly against Light's hand. Their eyes met, and Light could see that Ryuzaki's dark eyes sparkled with emotion. His eyes said everything he could not, in the presence of Soichiro; that he trusted Light, that he cared for him deeply.

"_Thank you,_" Light mouthed, entwining his fingers with Ryuzaki's for a moment before releasing them. Ryuzaki smiled in response, and Light had to restrain himself from reaching out to stroke his cheek…

"Does…does this mean you no longer suspect my son?" Soichiro asked in a bewildered voice, interrupting Light's thoughts.

"Not exactly," Ryuzaki said, an unreadable emotion flickering into his eyes before he turned away from Light.

Surprise flooded Light again. _Did I misunderstand…?_

He hesitated before continuing, and it almost seemed to Light to pain him as he explained: "I do not believe your son to be Kira. I am not, however, completely convinced that this has always been true. It is possible that your son may have been Kira sometime in the past…I cannot find any other explanation. I do trust that Yagami-kun has no current knowledge of having been Kira, nor is he the same person he was before. I do not think that Yagami-kun is in any immediate danger of becoming Kira again, so it would be irrelevant to continue to restrain him. But, if you'll excuse me, I would like to continue to keep your son under observation, seeing as there is always the possibility that he could become Kira again." Ryuzaki looked at Light as he said this, waiting with what could only be apprehension to see his reaction.

Light listened to Ryuzaki's accusations with a sinking heart. Ryuzaki seemed so _sure _that he had been a wicked, despicable murderer…he shivered to think that _he _could have been Kira. Kira was…a murderer. And more than that, he was L's enemy. How could Ryuzaki ever care for him if he believed to have been Kira? He turned his face away from the raven-haired detective's penetrating gaze, unable to let him see what his words had done to him.

He could feel Ryuzaki's reassuring hand on his shoulder, and it made him think of everything they'd shared in the last few days. Had it all been…_a test_? An involuntary shiver travelled down Light's spine at the horrible idea.

_A test. It was all just a goddamn _test. He fought to repress the tears that had begun to cloud his vision. It was usually so _easy _for him to control himself-why did Ryuzaki have to be the one to make him act this way? _Why do I have to care so much? It's not like _he _does. He thinks I'm…_ He suddenly found he couldn't think the vile name anymore.

The three men in the car were silent. Soichiro's guarded expression made it obvious that he had nothing to say on the matter, and Ryuzaki, having already said everything he meant to, didn't seem to know how to console Light. But silence only made it worse. It was in silence that Light could feel Ryuzaki's accusations still hanging over him, pushing down on him…

_Wait, _he told himself, a single spark of reason still alight in his mind. _Maybe I should try to see this from Ryuzaki's point of view…_ He had to admit that the evidence against him was more than sufficient. Could it be possible that he had been a murderer? That he had somehow _changed_, and didn't remember any of it…? The idea _did _seem rather farfetched, even for Ryuzaki…

But then he remembered the dreams. Those horrible dreams in which he had seen through the eyes of the sick, twisted murderer, in which he had been Kira himself… There was always something about those dreams that seemed so _real_, as if they somehow extended past the imaginary realm of nightmares… It made him realize what he'd known-perhaps subconsciously-since the very first nightmare. The truly disturbing part of the nightmare was not the death that surrounded him, not even being trapped in the mind of a murderer…no, the most frightening part was that he and Kira were so _alike_. They had the same passion for justice, the same discontent with the people of the world…

But could he really have been Kira? How could he have ever thought he had the right to judge criminals-as much as they deserved death? He didn't know how to answer the questions that demanded his attention; he didn't know _what _to think.

It was a while before his mind returned to Ryuzaki, and a different kind of pain replaced his confusion and disgust. _Betrayal_. If Ryuzaki had _known _he was not currently Kira-he couldn't have come to that conclusion within only several days-then how could he justify manipulating Light's emotions so cruelly? Even _he_ had said that Light had changed. Despite what he might've been before, how could he have deserved that? He could still feel Ryuzaki's hand on his shoulder, and he wished it would go away. It shamed him to think that he had been deceived so easily, and yet he couldn't feel anger towards Ryuzaki…

No, there was no anger, no hatred; just sadness. He couldn't even bring himself to regret what had passed between them, and a part of him wished it could continue. But he knew that there was no way he could be with someone who didn't care for him. After all the detective had said, it was impossible for him to deceive himself into believing that Ryuzaki might return his feelings. And why would Ryuzaki still try to lie to him, after he had made himself so clear? Was there any chance that, maybe, some of it had been genuine? He couldn't stop himself from hoping…

"We're here," Soichiro announced, interrupting Light's thoughts. He looked up as the car glided into the driveway, forcing-with some difficulty-an indifferent expression as his father parked the car and got out.

"We'll be right in, Yagami-san," Ryuzaki said to Soichiro, who appeared to be waiting for them to exit the car. Soichiro nodded, understanding dawning in his eyes, and he turned to the house by himself.

"Light." Ryuzaki said, turning to the boy when Soichiro was no longer looking at them.

Light forced himself to look at Ryuzaki, fighting to keep his expression composed. The dark obsidian orbs that had so much entranced him were filled with concern for the youth. Light's stomach twisted as he realized that Ryuzaki was going to continue to act as if he cared._ Does he think I don't understand him? That I haven't realized what he's doing? _He didn't know if he could bear it if Ryuzaki meant to further deceive him… "Yes?" He asked, careful to keep emotion out of his voice.

"You're upset." It was not so much a question as it was a statement.

Light didn't answer. He resisted the urge to turn away again, instead closing his eyes. He could feel Ryuzaki's arms wrap around him, his lips at his ear.

"We'll talk about this inside," he whispered. Light shivered at the feeling of Ryuzaki's touch, and he could not stop the feeling that came to him every time Ryuzaki touched him, despite what he now knew…

When he opened his eyes again, he was alone in the car.

**A/N: How's that for angst? ;D I figured its Light's turn to be insecure. I hate that he kind of seems uke in this chapter. :/ He's **_**supposed **_**to be seme. But even semes can feel betrayed too, right? I'm going to assume that the difference is that they're better at guarding their emotions. :D Chyeah, I know that probably doesn't make sense, but I don't know how else to write it. If Light's too sensitive to be seme, then fine. But no way is L seme either. So, this chapter came out a little-okay, **_**really **_**unexpected, too. I was just going to do a not-so-normal dinner with Light's friend, "Ryuuga", but then I figured L had to give an explanation for taking the chains off (because he **_**has **_**to take the chains off, no way am I going to try and come up with some crazy explanation for that), and being L, he's gonna tell the truth. The **_**whole **_**truth. :D And Light's gonna overreact like the uber-sensitive guy we all know he really is. :) I hope you enjoyed! Please review! C:**

**Edit: Okay, Light's an uke. And a total girl. xD**

**Next chapter: Can Ryuzaki convince Light that his intentions were sincere? And Light only grows more and more confused as he wonders if Ryuzaki's theories are correct.**


	6. Pretending

**A/N: I just realized that I started both chapter 3 and chapter 4 with Matsuda leaving. Lol. :3 Maybe Matsuda's always the last task force member to leave because he has a secret man-crush on Light. XD Too bad Light's already taken ;D**

**Disclaimer: *tries to think of witty disclaimer***

***FAILS***

**I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. x3**

**[Light's POV]**

"_Light_!" Sayu squealed, throwing her arms around her brother as he stepped inside.

Light forced a laugh. "Nice to see you too, Sayu."

"We're so glad you came home, Light," Sachiko said, giving her son a gentle hug.

"Thanks, mom. I'm glad to be home," Light replied, a sincere smile on his face. He really _was _happy to see his family again. But he was too preoccupied to enjoy his family reunion, and he had to fight to keep them from seeing the pain he couldn't seem to escape. He almost wished that Ryuzaki had waited until later to break his heart; or, better yet, that he'd never said anything at all. _I guess I'd rather live a lie than know the truth, _he thought to himself. _Ignorance is bliss._

"How's Misa-Misa?" Sayu asked, distracting him from his painful thoughts.

"She's…good. I haven't seen much of her these past few days…she's so busy with her photo shoots and filming, and I have school during the week." This wasn't a complete lie, seeing as he really _hadn't _talked to Misa at all in the last few days. Most of his free time, as of late, had been spent with Ryuzaki. Misa, of course, knew nothing of their relationship; both had thought it better that way.

_But what's going to happen now? _Light wondered. He doubted Ryuzaki would want him to extend his stay, especially now that there were no handcuffs to bind them. He supposed that Ryuzaki meant for him to move in with Misa at Headquarters; that way, he could observe Light without having to continue with his pretended affections…A shudder travelled down Light's spine as the pain he'd fought to repress came flooding back.

"Light? Are you all right?" Sachiko asked, her voice filled with motherly concern.

"Yeah." _Damn it. I have to control myself. _He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. _I can't keep thinking about him. _"I'm just a little cold." When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a familiar gaze that made him want to turn away. Ryuzaki's eyes bore into his with cold intensity, and the faux concern they seemed to hold for him was too much. He quickly averted his own eyes to the floor, struggling against the crippling waves of emotion that rolled through him.

"Would you like a blanket, dear?"

"No, I'll be fine." He took another deep breath, avoiding Ryuzaki's gaze as he spoke. "Mom, Sayu, I want you to meet my friend, Ryuuga."

Ryuzaki stepped forward. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Yagami-san," he said with a bow.

Sachiko smiled. "We're glad to have you, Ryuuga. I do hope you like nigiri."

Light almost smiled at the obvious distaste that flitted across Ryuzaki's features at the mention of sushi. Of course, he knew better than anyone that Ryuzaki never ate anything that wasn't coated in sugar of some type.

"Light," Sachiko said, interrupting his musings, "why don't you and Ryuuga go up to your room while we wait for dinner?"

A wave of panic shot through Light. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide his emotions from Ryuzaki; the detective's unnerving gaze alone was nearly enough to disarm all his careful self-control. He nodded stiffly in response to his mother's suggestion, beckoning to Ryuzaki to follow as he descended the stairs to his room.

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

Light immediately went to sit on his bed, his back to Ryuzaki. He ran a shaky hand through his auburn hair, struggling to keep his composure. Ryuzaki was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"…Light-kun?" He finally asked, hesitating for a moment before drawing closer to the boy.

Light turned to look at him, and Ryuzaki could see the pain reflected in his eyes. It surprised him how deeply his suspicions seemed to hurt the youth; he thought Light might've become used to his callous opinions.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. And he _was _sorry; it hurt him to see Light upset, especially knowing that he had caused it. He had wanted to wait until he was alone with Light to tell him, but he'd figured it was as good a time as any when Soichiro had asked him. He hadn't thought Light would react so strongly…

Light turned away from Ryuzaki, his eyes hidden beneath his bangs.

"Light-kun, I _do_ believe you when you say you aren't Kira. And I don't think you're deliberately lying when you say you never were." Ryuzaki reached out hesitantly to brush away the strands of hair that concealed Light's eyes. "I trust you."

Light looked up at Ryuzaki again, and he could see that there were tears in the boy's eyes. A sharp sadness pierced his heart, and an intense ache to comfort the youth swelled within him. "You don't have to lie anymore, Ryuzaki," Light whispered, his voice etched with pain.

Surprise flooded through Ryuzaki. "You…think I'm lying?"

Light took a deep, shaky breath. "Why would you trust me if you knew I used to be Kira?" He asked. "How do you know I'm not still Kira?"

Ryuzaki was silent for a moment. Truthfully, he didn't really know the answer himself. There was no real proof that Light's sudden change in behavior wasn't an act, but he believed him nonetheless. "I don't know," he admitted softly.

Light closed his eyes, and Ryuzaki could see that he was holding back tears.

"Light-kun," he murmured, "look at me."

Light turned his face away.

"Light…," he pleaded. Slowly, unwillingly, Light brought his eyes up to meet Ryuzaki's. Ryuzaki gently took Light's hand, smiling when Light's fingers curled around his. "I trust you because I care about you."

Pain flashed in Light's eyes. He turned abruptly, a sob escaping his throat, and yanked his hand out of Ryuzaki's.

"Light?" Ryuzaki asked, concern coloring his voice.

Light covered his face with his hand, biting his lip to keep the tears away. "Please," he whispered in a shaky voice, "don't say that."

Ryuzaki's reaction was a mingled burst of pain and confusion. "Say what?" He asked gently. His thoughts raced as he struggled to understand Light's words, trying to find what it was he'd said to cause him so much pain.

"Don't…" Light's voice faltered as he struggled to hold back a sob. "Don't say you _care_."

**A/N: Ahhh. Light is so uke in this chapter…! *headdesk*It kills me. Sorry this chapter is so short! :/ And, if you'd be so very kind as to review *wink, wink*, could you please tell me if you think Light or Ryuzaki is OOC? I'd really appreciate it.**

**Also, I really need to know how you guys think I should write the Yotsuba arc. Please vote on my poll, if you have the time! :3 Plznthnxx.**

**Next Chapter: [Should be out by Wednesday.] Can Ryuzaki convince Light that he cares about him? F-l-u-f-f! [**_**If **_**you review. ;D]**


	7. Breakdown

**A/N: Go uke Light! *doesukeLightdance* I've given up on making Light seme. Lawl x3 They're going to have a kind of rotating relationship, in the meantime. Hope that isn't too weird. Btw, I know this story is kind of OOC, but I've decided that's okay. I'm going to try to write another story after this one's done, with the characters being the way they're supposed to. I'm not sure what I'm going to do…but I'm thinking of including everyone's favorite blood-loving copycat, B. XD **

**P.S. I watched L: Change the World. It made me cry. D: D: D: *sniffsniff* Poor L!**

**Disclaimer: Light and L are not mine. D:**

**Previously…**

_**[Ryuzaki's POV]**_

_Light covered his face with his hand, biting his lip to keep the tears away. "Please," he whispered in a shaky voice, "don't say that."_

_Ryuzaki's reaction was a mingled burst of pain and confusion. "Say what?" He asked gently. His thoughts raced as he struggled to understand Light's words, trying to find what it was he'd said to cause him so much pain._

"_Don't…" Light's voice faltered as he struggled to hold back a sob. "Don't say you _care_."_

**[Light's POV]**

Light let his hand drop from his face, warm tears spilling over onto his cheeks. He closed his eyes and bowed his head, letting the tears fall into his lap as he shook with silent sobs. His anger at himself, his horror at his self control; every other feeling was washed away by the pain. This new wound went deeper than he ever thought it could, and it made him realize how much he cared for Ryuzaki. He _needed _him.

The detective was silent behind him. Light wanted so badly to reach out to him, to kiss him…he wanted, more than he had ever wanted anything in his life, for Ryuzaki to feel the same. And, for a moment, Light had almost let himself believe that he did.

"_I trust you because I care about you," _Ryuzaki had said. And his words had given Light hope. He couldn't seem to repress it, this feeling that sprang from his acute _need _for those words to be true. He knew it would only add to his pain, but he was powerless to stop it. He saw how easy it would be to deceive himself into believing…his need was so very much in danger of overpowering him that he feared that all it would take was a few more lies.

"Light?" A familiar voice called from downstairs. "Dinner's almost ready."

Light took a deep, shaky breath. _I can do this, _he thought to himself. _I'll only have to pretend for a few hours… _He stood up and wiped the tears from his eyes, his head spinning with the effort. His mind could focus on nothing but the pain, and he found that it was several moments before he could remember how to walk. Without turning back to look at Ryuzaki, he stumbled out the door and down the stairs.

Pausing at the last step, Light took a moment to compose himself. He carefully banished all traces of hurt and sadness from his expression, centering all his attention on maintaining an indifferent expression. On the outside, he was Light Yagami; an intelligent, popular honor student, the pride of his family. But, on the inside…

Light took another deep breath, stepping onto the landing, and turned the corner to join his family. He offered them a cheerful smile, hugging his mother and sister in turn. "Dad said you were making nigiri, mom?"

"Your favorite, of course," Sachiko said.

Light nodded. "You always make the best."

"Hey, Light, where's Ryuuga?" Sayu asked.

Light's heart lurched. "I…,"

"Here." Ryuzaki entered the room, a smile on his face. But Light could see that his eyes were troubled, and he wondered what was bothering him. _Could he be feeling guilty_? He speculated, that impossible little spark of hope stirring within him.

Sachiko smiled back warmly. "I hope you like sushi then, Ryuuga."

Light repressed a shudder, remembering how he'd spoken the same words to Ryuzaki before they left. He could feel the detective's eyes on him-knowing he would remember, too-but he could not bring himself to meet them. Instead, he turned to his mother. "Do you need help serving the nigiri?"

"Yes, Light. That would be very helpful."

Light followed his mother into the kitchen as the others seated themselves around the table. He noticed Sayu's amusement when Ryuzaki curled up into his usual-or rather, _un_usual-sitting position. He watched as the raven-haired man began to chew on the tip of his thumb, his unruly black locks falling over his eyes. There was a sad sort of confusion in his gaze that Light hadn't seen since the few agonizing days prior to their first kiss. Puzzlement was a rare emotion for Ryuzaki, and when-or _if_-he was ever baffled by something, he certainly didn't show it.

He didn't see how Ryuzaki could be so bewildered and upset by their conversation. As much as it had hurt _him_, Light couldn't understand what he'd done to cause him pain. If Ryuzaki didn't care for him, then he shouldn't be troubled by their conversation. He knew, of course, that Ryuzaki could still be trying to deceive him. But what did he have to gain, now that Light knew?

…Unless Light was wrong. Unless Ryuzaki really _did _care. Hope flooded through Light, warm and reassuring. But his analytical mind refused to be dominated by such a senseless emotion, and logic quickly overpowered his weak reasoning. If he had failed to realize Ryuzaki's intentions the first time, was it really so impossible that the detective was capable of disguising his motives a second time? And why would he feel such emotions for Light-a man who he thought to have been his own worst enemy? Light knew that Ryuzaki had no qualms against unconventional methods when it came to defeating Kira. Maybe he thought Light deserved such callousness. Maybe, in his eyes, Light still deserved punishment-even thought he was no longer Kira.

Light didn't know what to think of Ryuzaki's theory-but, had he been Kira, he wouldn't blame the detective for refusing to take his feelings into consideration. He didn't think it was _right_, necessarily, for Ryuzaki to have such little regard for his emotions, whether he had been Kira or not, but he could see how such actions could be justified.

Perhaps Ryuzaki had believed that Light was still Kira when he formed his plan. Light could not argue against treating such a vile criminal with so little compassion, and he knew Ryuzaki certainly wouldn't. But he also sensed that Ryuzaki had come to the conclusion that he wasn't Kira before the beginning of their so-called "relationship". He doubted Ryuzaki would regret his decision; the intelligent detective thought things through too thoroughly to misjudge his own emotions. And, whatever reason Ryuzaki had for being so manipulative, he could not escape the fact that his feelings were not mutual.

Light tried to fight against the pain his conclusion had brought him, struggling to appear untroubled as he set plates of nigiri in front of his father and sister. He noticed his hand shaking slightly as he placed Ryuzaki's plate in front of him, but he was momentarily distracted by the detective's disgusted expression in reaction to the sushi. He watched as Ryuzaki quickly composed his features, seemingly determined not to be impolite.

His arm brushed against Ryuzaki's, and he drew away quickly, inhaling sharp breath at the unexpected touch. Ryuzaki looked up at him, his eyes meeting Light's with unexpected intensity. Light's mind suddenly flooded with a raw, powerful burst of emotion, and he found he could not move. Their faces were only inches apart, Ryuzaki's soft lips so close to his…

Light turned away abruptly, tears welling in his eyes. He could feel his composure slipping at the uncontrollable pain that battered against him, crumbling under the fresh memory of Ryuzaki's burning gaze. He kept his back to his family, hoping that they wouldn't notice his sudden breakdown.

"I…I have to go to the bathroom," he choked out, excusing himself from the dining room. He staggered into the bathroom, locking the door behind him, and collapsed against the wall as his last ounce of self control crumbled under the crushing emotion.

The cool tile of the wall felt good against Light's forehead as he stumbled onto it. He could feel himself sliding downward, unable to stand against the violent waves of pain that had destroyed his self control. Tears stained his cheeks, silent sobs shaking his entire frame as he crumpled onto the smooth marble of the floor.

**A/N: Wow. I never thought I'd feel so bad for Light. xD But don't blame Ryuzaki-remember that he originally thought Light was hurt because he thought Ryuzaki didn't trust him. And now, after Light's little outburst, he's just plain confused. (He didn't figure it out immediately because he's still getting over the shock if seeing Light so, umm, not in control of his emotions. Also, since he's always seen Light as strong and resilient, and since he knows Light understands the necessity of his testing, he never guessed how insecure they've made Light about his feelings towards him. …I hope that makes sense. ;D) But he's a good detective. He'll figure it out. XD Oh, and does anyone think Light was able to compose himself way too easily after his semi-meltdown? Because I kind of figured that he's pretty good at faking :D But I'm not really sure. :3**

**P.S. I was eating these weird letter-shaped tater tot things as I wrote, and I freaked out when I realized the last one on my plate was shaped like an L. Coincidence? I think not. XD**

**Next Chapter: [should be out by Friday, Saturday at the latest] Ryuzaki manages to find a way to excuse himself and Light from dinner, knowing Light needs time to recuperate. But, back at the apartment, Light is left to face Ryuzaki alone. Will Ryuzaki be able to convince him that his feelings are genuine? Fluff, and lots of it! Plus, another whole chapter of fluff after that, just for living through these last three chapters. :3**


	8. Proof

**A/N: Fluff!! Finally! :3 Try not to skip through the first few paragraphs, if you can. Anyways, please enjoy! And I'm very sorry for being a day late. D: Blame my teachers.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. D:**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

Ryuzaki chewed the tip of his thumb, trying hard to decipher Light's expression. The seemingly composed youth looked the picture of ease as he helped his mother serve dinner. But Ryuzaki knew Light better that that; he could see the burning emotion in the boy's eyes that contradicted his indifferent demeanor, and it was obvious to him that Light was struggling to keep his composure.

Ryuzaki yearned to comfort him, to erase whatever misgivings Light had formed about his feelings for him. He couldn't understand what he'd done to cause these doubts, though it seemed that his conclusion had given Light the impression that he didn't care for him. He remembered the boy's last words with fresh grief. Light's pain was his own, and every glimmer of sadness in the boy's eyes hurt him more deeply than the last.

Ryuzaki was drawn out of his thoughts as Light approached him and set a plate of sushi before him. He quickly composed a reflexive grimace of distaste for the sugarless substance, instead fixing his attention on the auburn-haired youth. The boy's hand accidentally brushed against his sleeve, and he could hear Light's breath hitch as he quickly withdrew his arm. He turned automatically to look at him, their eyes meeting for a fraction of a second.

The boy's eyes were wide, fresh pain searing their warm honey depths. Ryuzaki's heart lurched as Light tore his gaze away, his hand reaching out involuntarily to comfort him. He stopped, his fingertips hovering near Light's shoulder for a moment before he withdrew them.

Light had his back to Ryuzaki, and the detective could see that he was shaking. "I…I have to go to the bathroom," he mumbled, his voice thick with pain.

Ryuzaki watched him stumble out of the kitchen, his reaction a mix of sorrow and concern as the youth's delicate composure unraveled before his eyes. As soon as Light was gone, he felt an intense urge to follow. His gaze flickered towards Soichiro, wondering if he'd noticed their silent exchange. But Soichiro was turned away from him, absorbed in a conversation with his wife. Ryuzaki's eyes travelled back towards the hallway, and he wondered if he could find a way to excuse himself from the table. He knew Light would not be able to face his family again on his own, not after what had just happened…

Ryuzaki wracked his brain for something, anything he could do to help Light. He didn't want to be impolite, and he certainly didn't want to have to explain Light's fragile state of mind. He knew Light didn't want his family to worry. An idea beginning to formulate in his mind, he slid his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open below the table. He pressed several buttons, and the room filled with an irritating ringing. He closed his phone and brought it above the table, flipping it open again. "My apologies," he said, addressing the interruption before dangling the phone near his ear.

"Moshi moshi."

_Pause._

"Matsuda-san?"

_Pause._

"…I see. He'll be there soon."

Ryuzaki closed the phone and slipped it back into his pocket. Light's family looked at him, waiting for an explanation. "It seems that Amanae-san has been locked out of her and Light's apartment."

Sayu giggled, and Soichiro raised an eyebrow.

"That was her manager, Matsuda," he continued. "He seems to have misplaced the keys."

"How come he didn't call Light?" Sayu inquired.

"Light's phone is off. Amanae-san has my number, and Light must've told her he'd be with me."

"Does Light have to leave?" Sachiko asked unhappily.

"I'm afraid so. Amanae-san can be rather…persistent. Matsuda has sent a car for us, and it should be here soon."

Sachiko sighed. "Well, you'll just have to come over another time, then," she said sadly.

Ryuzaki nodded. "I'll go tell Light-kun."

Soichiro looked at Ryuzaki curiously, and the detective wondered absently what he would tell the police chief later. Soichiro knew that Light didn't live with Misa, and he was probably confused by the fake call.

_But right now, all that matters is Light, _He thought to himself, getting up from his chair and walking into the hallway. He paused in front of what he assumed to be the bathroom door, knocking uncertainly. "Light-kun?"

He could hear muffled sobs coming from behind the door, and his heart lurched. He glanced down the hallway, wondering if the family would be able to hear him open the door.

After a moment's indecision, he slowly turned the handle, his stomach twisting in painful anticipation. "Light-kun?" he repeated, stepping softly onto the smooth marble floor.

Light was hunched over on the ground, his back against the wall. His arms rested against his knees, and his face was buried in his sleeves.

"Light…," Ryuzaki whispered, grief seeping into his voice as he dropped to his knees beside the boy. He wrapped his long arms around the shaking figure, pulling Light's head against his chest. Light's sobs grew louder, but he made no protest as Ryuzaki held him. He clutched the detective's shirt weakly, his tears soaking through the thin fabric.

Ryuzaki cradled Light tenderly as he cried, and the boy's sobs began to quiet. After a minute, Light pulled away to look at the man that held him. Tears still streamed down his cheeks, and there was a deep pain in his eyes that cut into Ryuzaki like a blade.

"Why?" he whispered brokenly, his voice laced with melancholy.

Ryuzaki gently wiped a tear from his eye, immediately understanding the vague question. "Light-kun does not think I care for him." Before he could react, Ryuzaki pressed his lips to Light's in a soft kiss. He pulled away after only a moment, drawing back slightly to whisper, "Light-kun is wrong."

Light's eyes were disbelieving, still glittering with unshed tears, but Ryuzaki could see a glimmer of hope deep within them. "It doesn't matter what you used to be, Light. It doesn't change the way I feel about you."

Light's grip on his shirt tightened. "How do I know?" He whispered back. "You could still be lying."

Ryuzaki drew back a bit more so he could look him the eye. "Light-kun," he said firmly. Light shied away from his gaze, doubt etched onto his features. Ryuzaki turned Light's face back to his, pulling him closer. "I'll prove it," he said, his obsidian eyes smoldering.

Ryuzaki pressed his lips to Light's, reaching up to entwine his hands in the boy's auburn locks. His lips moved against Light's with gentle force, and some of the pain eased from his heart when he felt Light's arms wrap around his neck.

Light broke away, gasping, and Ryuzaki pulled the youth against his chest. He stroked his silky auburn hair, reaching down to kiss the boy's forehead gently. Light smiled, nestling against Ryuzaki's chest. "I believe you," he said softly.

Ryuzaki smiled back, breathing in the sweet scent of Light's hair as he remembered speaking those same words to him several days before.

"Shit," he muttered suddenly, remembering that Light's family was waiting for them. He sighed, unwillingly disentangling himself from Light and standing up.

"What?" Light asked, dazed, as he followed Ryuzaki to his feet.

"Yagami-san is waiting. She's under the impression that Misa locked herself out of the apartment and that you need to go rescue her."

Light's lip twitched amusedly.

Ryuzaki reached out to wipe a tear from his cheek, smiling as Light's hand clasped over his own. "Are you all right?"

Light nodded. "Now I am," he whispered, emotion dancing in his eyes.

Ryuzaki's lips met Light's in a quick, tender kiss before he pulled away again. "I wasn't sure if you'd be in any state to stay…and I don't like sushi, anyway."

"You don't like _anything_, Ryuzaki."

"I like sugar."

"That doesn't count."

Ryuzaki's smile widened. "Nonetheless, we can't keep Amanae-san waiting."

**A/N: L, you sneaky bastard. Pretending MisaMisa got locked out of her apartment! Tsk, tsk. X3 But that does seem very like Misa, no? **

**P.S. I dare you to write me a review telling me: a) one thing you like about this story, b) one thing you don't like about this story, c) what you'd like to see more of, and d) what you'd like to see less of. Oh, and if you'd like to take a guess at where this story's going, I'd love to hear it. :3 More reviews=more improvement!**

**Next Chapter: Light explains to Ryuzaki that he thought he'd been testing him, and fluff ensues. :D**


	9. Crash

**A/N : I=very sorry. :( I can't believe I took so long! I'll try to update sooner next time. I decided to put some action in this chapter. No, **_**not **_**yaoi. xD Catch my drift? And of course, (as promised,) there's some snuggling, kissing, etc., to appease the fluff gods. :D**

**Thank you to butterfly1415, whose review inspired the idea for this chapter. :D And thank you to everyone else who has reviewed this story or added it to their faves/alerts. You guys are fantastic. Oh, and all the amazing writers that manage to entertain me, inspire me, and make me feel extremely insignificant in comparison all at the same time. You guys know who you are. ;3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc…**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

"Thank you, Watari," Ryuzaki said as the sleek black car slid out of the Yagami's driveway. It was a shame that he hadn't been able to meet the rest of Light's family, but he had been a great deal more concerned with the boy's well-being when he made his excuse.

And, besides, he _really _didn't like sushi.

"You're quite welcome, Ryuzaki," Watari replied, and he looked up to see the older man's warm smile reflected in the rearview mirror.

Ryuzaki smiled back. He was not one to show affection, or gratitude—or any emotion at all, for that matter—but Light seemed to have brought out something in him that no one else could. He could feel the younger man's hand pressed softly into his own, and he looked over to find the teen gazing at him intently. Light's intense brown eyes sent a jolt through his system, his heart lurching as the handsome youth smiled gently at him. The boy was so breathtakingly beautiful; even his picture-perfect memory could not do Light's angelic features enough justice.

He reached out a hand to stroke Light's face, his fingers hesitating below Watari's view as he pushed a button on the underside of the seat. An opaque black screen slid closed between the front and back seats, obscuring the older man from view.

As the thin black metal clicked into place, Ryuzaki returned his gaze to Light. He traced gently along his jaw, resting his cool, slender fingers against the boy's soft cheek.

Light leaned into his touch, closing his eyes as he let out a happy sigh. "Mmm…Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki pulled him close, letting Light's head settle against his shoulder. The youth's silky auburn tresses splayed across his pale skin, tickling his cheek. He turned his face so that his nose was buried in Light's hair and breathed deeply, inhaling the boy's sweet scent. "Yes, Light-kun?"

Light drew back a bit, turning to face Ryuzaki. "Where am I going to live?"

Ryuzaki tensed, slightly surprised by the question. "With me, of course," he replied, puzzlement disguised by his usual monotone.

Light smiled, his head falling back to Ryuzaki's shoulder. "I was hoping you would say that." He paused for a moment before adding, "But what do we tell the task force? About the handcuffs being gone, I mean. They're going to wonder why I'm still living with you."

Ryuzaki reached up a hand to stroke Light's soft gingery locks. He knew that telling the task force the truth was _not _an option…especially since he had began to suspect that Matsuda had developed somewhat of a crush on Light-kun—_his _Light-kun. "I suppose we don't have much of a choice but to pretend that I still suspect you…if that's alright." He wasn't used to asking for permission; perhaps that was because he had never cared much for what other people thought before.

Light seemed surprised, too, by his considerate inquiry. "I wouldn't mind." He turned to press his lips to the other man's neck. "Being handcuffed to you doesn't sound like such a bad idea anymore," he whispered into Ryuzaki's smooth skin, his fingers dancing along the detective's collarbone.

A shiver travelled up Ryuzaki's spine, and he leaned his head to the side as Light's lips travelled along his neck. "Mmm…," he sighed, his eyelids fluttering closed.

The car jerked suddenly to the side, and Ryuzaki's eyes flew open. The warm feeling of Light's lips on his neck disappeared as both men lost their balance and toppled sideways.

Ryuzaki was sprawled sideways on the seat, staring at the thick, tinted glass of the window above him as his muddled mind tried to make sense of what just happened.

"What was _that_?" Light asked, running a hand through his hair as he steadied himself.

Ryuzaki reached for the button below the seat. He curled back into his usual sitting position as the screen slid open to reveal a slightly exasperated Watari.

"My apologies, Ryuzaki," he said, glancing towards the back seat. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, thank you," Ryuzaki replied calmly.

The grandfatherly man nodded his head once, his eyes not straying from the road again. Ryuzaki offered him a small smile, and, seeing that no harm had come to Watari, closed the screen again. He then turned his attention back to Light, silently cursing the traffic for disrupting them.

The boy reached out and clasped his hand softly, his eyes sparkling with the city lights that filtered through the window. He smiled and brought his other hand up to Ryuzaki's tousled hair, gently brushing a few inky black strands out of his eyes. "Where were we?" He murmured, his voice smoother than velvet as he pulled Ryuzaki close.

Ryuzaki closed his eyes, his stomach fluttering as he felt Light's lips press gently against his. He melted into the soft touch, sighing softly when they parted, and rested his head against the other's chest. He opened his eyes, looking up as Light's arms wrapped around him. The youth was gazing down at him, and breathtaking smile lit up his face as their eyes met. He was absolutely radiant, Ryuzaki observed; his features glowed in the soft light, the perfect curves and arches of his face silhouetted against the dark window.

_You are truly beautiful, Light-kun_, he thought as he looked past Light, out at the twinkling cityscape. He snuggled closer, smiling and basking in the sweet, warm perfection of the moment.

The loud, obnoxious blare of a car horn sounded loudly, and Ryuzaki watched through the window as a red Porsche—presumably the root of the problem—swerved through the traffic. Several more horns joined in, and Light groaned.

"Damn cars," he said.

"Mhmm," Ryuzaki replied distractedly, following the Porsche's path with his eyes as it drew closer. The Porsche was swerving dangerously, other cars dodging wildly out of the way. It began to skid sideways across the street, narrowly avoiding crashing as it fast approached their lane. He waited, with growing anxiousness, for it to pass by.

The Porsche drew nearer to the car, and Watari turned to let it through-he had seen it coming. But instead of passing, as expected, the Porsche veered to the left at the last moment—straight for their car.

"LIGHT!" Ryuzaki shouted, clutching at the boy's shirt as he tried to pull him away from the window.

But it was too late.

The red Porsche collided into the side of the car with a sickening metallic _crunch_. Ryuzaki was slammed against the opposite wall, Light's shirt torn from his fingertips, shards of glass flying out at him as the window shattered into a million pieces. Everything was a blur of motion as the car careened backwards, spinning blindly from the impact. The sharp screech of rubber against asphalt was deafening in his ears, joined by the blaring car horns of startled drivers.

And then everything stopped. Ryuzaki blinked away the red dots that swam at the edge of his vision, his breath caught in his throat. He looked around at the misshapen metal carcass that held him, stared vacantly at the bent, twisted steel frame as the disorientation slowly faded. It was another moment before the pain came, sharp and clear, searing his veins like fire. He let out a sharp, startled hiss, fighting against the blackness that threatened his consciousness, his eyes squeezing shut as reflexive tears pooled at their rims.

The pain burned through his mind like fire, and he slowly came to the realization of a heavy weight draped across his waist. He lifted his hand, groaning at the sharp, protesting ache, and reached out to push the object off of him. His fingertips found purchase against silky hair, confusion flitting momentarily across his thoughts…

_Light! _Ryuzaki's eyes flew open, widening as they took in the sight: Light lay with his head twisted to the side, blood trickling from his hairline like crimson tears across his cheek. Deep red cuts and bright pink splotches covered his exposed flesh, scarlet staining his white shirt. There were several tears in his clothes, all oozing with blood, and embedded shards of glass glinted from an open wound on his side.

Ryuzaki's heart swelled with panic, and his fingers searched clumsily for a pulse in the boy's wrist. The promise of a faint, but steady beat melted away some of the fear, and then returned a moment later as he noticed the blood pooling at the edges of the seat. The blood was _everywhere_; he wondered, an anxious edge to his thoughts, how much blood Light could lose before it would become _too _much…Before he…

The thought set Ryuzaki into motion. He gently set the boy aside, plunging his hands into his pockets as he searched, frantically, for his cell phone. His fingers found the familiar device, and he pulled the object out with his thumb and forefinger. The mangled , cracked plastic dangled for a moment in front of his face before he threw it aside. _Watari_, he thought, _Watari has a phone. _A sudden burst of worry travelled through him as he remembered the older man, and he moved more quickly to brace his fingers against the mauled edges of the metal screen. He grit his teeth with effort as he began to pry the screen apart, the pain in his arms protesting wildly. The metal suddenly gave way under his hands, jagged edges cutting into his palms as he peered anxiously into the front seat.

"Ryuzaki!" Watari rasped, slumped against the side of the car.

"Watari?" Ryuzaki reached out to touch a shallow cut on the man's arm. "Are you all right?"

Watari nodded gravely.

"Your phone…where's your phone?"

Watari glanced at his feet. "I…," he shifted and grit his teeth, pain flashing in his eyes. "…Can't…I can't reach it. Must've broken…a rib…—" He took a deep breath and glanced out the window. "The police are probably…already on their way. Someone must have called by now…"

Ryuzaki nodded wordlessly before ducking out of sight. He glanced at Light, a different kind of pain swelling in his heart, and turned to the door on his side. He tried the door handle, yanking harder when it did not give way. It still would not budge. He leaned back and aimed a forceful kick at the hinges, the door flying open on impact.

He quickly scrambled out of the car, ignoring the astonished looks of those that had gathered to help, and wrenched open the driver's door. Watari gripped the door frame to keep from falling, and Ryuzaki reached out to help support him.

Another figure suddenly appeared beside him, a second set of hands holding the man up. He looked over, slightly startled, to find a young girl of fourteen—perhaps fifteen—helping him ease the older man out of the car. She looked up and met his gaze, compassionate pity gleaming in her bright brown eyes. Another girl appeared beside her, tucking a strand of dirty blonde hair behind her ear and offering him a sad sort of smile. Several others stood behind the blonde, two moving to help Watari onto the asphalt as the third used gestures to direct the traffic around the crash. He noticed, with a start, that the Porsche was nowhere to be seen.

"Are you okay?" The blonde girl asked, taking off her jacket and bunching it up as a pillow for Watari.

Ryuzaki nodded numbly. "Thank you," he murmured to no one in particular, turning to attend to Light. He was surprised to see that one of the men who had been helping Watari had managed to get Light out of the car. The boy now dangled, seemingly lifeless, in the man's arms, blood tainting his skin and clothes. The man looked up at him, seeming to understand the wordless _thank you _in Ryuzaki's eyes. He gently placed Light it Ryuzaki's arms, saying reassuringly, "He'll be all right."

Ryuzaki nodded, his chest tightening painfully.

He bowed his head and cradled the broken boy in his arms, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over.

**A/N: ROFLZ. I love love scenes in cars, don't you? K, not really. I just kinda had to incorporate some fluff in before the car crash. :D And, hey, if anyone's going to review (and please do!), I'd like to know if anyone's noticed that my sentences seem choppy or anything. I know that's not necessarily the first thing you pay attention to, but it bothers the hell out of me. ;D**

**First person to review this chapter gets a cameo role in the next one! If you're first, I'll PM you with the deets. ;D **

**Next Chapter: Ryuzaki is worried about Light. Prepare for (another) emofest! :D (Followed by bucket-loads of fluff ((in that and/or the next-next chapter,)) of course.)**


	10. Tears

**A/N: READ THIS UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE CONFUSED--- This chapter begins w/ Ryuzaki in the hospital waiting room. Light was rushed to the hospital in poor condition, and the doctors immediately began blood transfusions/surgery to remove the glass in his cuts & stitch them up. Watari is fine, but he still needs to be admitted to the hospital overnight. Ryuzaki doesn't know if the doctors have succeeded to save Light's life at the beginning of this chapter. Oh, and Ryuzaki filled out the paperwork. In case you're wondering.**

**With that said, enjoy! :3**

**P.S.---screamxaimxfire has received a cameo (as Amaya Shimizu) in this chapter for being the first reviewer for Ch. 9. Thanks to her and everyone who reviewed. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. **

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

Ryuzaki stared blankly at the white walls of the hospital, trying hard not to think about Light. His gaze was fixed on the clock, so startlingly black against the drab, endless white of the waiting room. He watched as the seconds ticked by…slowly, so _slowly_; mocking him. Each moment seemed like an eternity, infinite and impossible.

How long had he been here, waiting? And when would this _ache_, this horrible aching he felt inside—when would it go away?

He had never been an impatient man. And, he realized, he had never needed anyone before. Not like he needed Light right now. The boy had changed him, made him so pathetically _dependant_…but he didn't care. Not as long as he could have him back.

_And how is it fair_, Ryuzaki wondered, _that Light should be taken away from me so soon? _It was, in itself, a bitter irony; now that he had finally found someone he wanted to be with—and even more, someone that wanted to be with _him_—, the world had conspired to take that person away.

He thought of Light, broken and bleeding in his arms, wishing so desperately that he could have done something to stop it. He knew it was illogical to feel guilt for something he had no control over, but he couldn't seem to stop. Why couldn't it have been _him_? Why did Light have to be the one to---?

Light wasn't dead. He simply _couldn't _be.

Ryuzaki clenched his knees tighter to his chest, the silence in the room suddenly deafening.

"Are you okay?" A distinctly female voice asked.

Ryuzaki's eyes strayed from the clock, for perhaps the first time in more than twenty minutes, to find the person who had spoken to him. His gaze fell upon a teenage girl several seats down with shoulder-length brown hair, sheathed in black except for her red tank top. Her cheeks tinted, brown eyes dropping to her black converse sneakers in reaction to his unnerving stare.

_No,_ he replied silently. _I'm not okay. _But he nodded nonetheless, responding with a soft "yes."

The girl smiled shyly, peeking at him out of the corner of her eye. "Waiting for someone?" She asked.

Ryuzaki brought a thumb to his lips. "Something like that."

The girl tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, hints of blond peeking out from beneath the brown. She didn't seem to take notice of Ryuzaki's strange habits, and he was surprised when she extended a hand. "I'm Amaya. Amaya Shimizu."

Ryuzaki shook her hand hesitantly, unaccustomed to such open courtesy. People generally seemed uncomfortable with his eccentric ways, as it was only human to fear what one could not understand. But this girl—well, it was refreshing, to say the least, and the conversation provided a most welcome distraction.

He took her offered hand and shook it awkwardly. "Ryuzaki."

His sleeve fell down to his elbow, exposing a row of shallow cuts on his arm.

"Oh!" Amaya exclaimed. "Shouldn't you be in the room down the hall?" She asked, referring to the ER waiting room.

Ryuzaki yanked his sleeve back up without responding. When he had first come to the hospital, the nurse had insisted he see one of the doctors. He'd repeatedly declined, preferring instead to bandage his own wounds. He hadn't bothered but with the worst of the cuts, exchanging his bloodied white shirt for a slightly less baggy blue one. His disheveled hair covered most of the cuts and bruises on his face, and his clothing hid the bandages. It didn't really hurt much, anyway.

Amaya's gaze didn't stray from his arm, a worried expression on her face. But she remained silent, and he was glad that she hadn't decided to press him further.

"I'm fine," he murmured, trying to avoid unnecessary concern.

"Ah, Ryuzaki-san?" A voice asked from the doorway. Ryuzaki turned to see a grim-faced nurse, and his heart skipped a beat. _What is it? _He thought frantically. _Is Light okay?_

The nurse motioned with her hand. "Please come with me," she said softly.

He stood up numbly, his mind a whirl of emotion.

"Bye, Ryuzaki-san," Amaya called behind him. "I hope your friend is okay."

Ryuzaki only nodded, unable to find his voice. _I hope so, too._

He followed the nurse down the hallway, fighting the panic that threatened to overwhelm him. _Please, _he prayed silently, not exactly sure who he was addressing. _Please let Light be alive. _

The nurse stopped in front of a room marked 217, her hand pausing on her clipboard. "Yagami Light?" she asked, glancing up for confirmation.

Ryuzaki nodded, and the nurse flipped the sheets on her clipboard. Her eyes briefly scanned the page before turning to glance at him. "Doctor Kobayashi will be in soon to explain Yagami-san's condition." With that, she turned on her heel and walked away, leaving Ryuzaki alone in the hallway.

Momentary relief flooded through Ryuzaki. _Surely that means Light-kun is alive?_ He hesitantly reached for the door handle, fear and uncertainty clouding his thoughts as he remembered the last time he'd seen Light. Light would be in pain, when—if—he ever regained consciousness.

He opened the door slowly, bracing himself for what he would see.

But there was nothing that could prepare him for this.

Light lay on the hospital bed, his right arm covered in a thick white cast. Gauzy bandages covered most of his skin, exposed flesh covered in scratches and bruises. His face was pale except for several deep red cuts and a purple splotch under his right eye, and thin, transparent tubes fed into his nose and arms. He looked so vulnerable, so _fragile_, ghostly white skin seeming paper-thin under the bright fluorescent lights.

Ryuzaki was silent, his face grave and his mind numb as he crossed the room. He curled into a sitting position on a chair next to the bed, hugging his knees tight against his chest, and reached for Light's hand. He could feel the stone walls crumbling down around him, the initial shock of numbness fading into something much worse.

"Oh, Light-kun," he whispered brokenly, a single tear sliding down his cheek. What was it about this boy that could so completely disarm him?

He closed his eyes, nothing but the steady rhythm of the heart monitor and the feel of Light's hand in his as warm tears began to spill over.

A sharp intake of breath pierced the silence, and then a soft whisper:

"Ryuzaki?"

**A/N: Yaaaaay! I finally finished it! I'm so sorry, guys—it's been more than a week. Yuck. But, hey, Light's alive, right? And awake! (B/cz that was Light waking up at the end.) So, I hope you liked this chapter. If you'd be so kind as to review, I'd love it if you'd tell me who's point of view you prefer the next chapter to be in (Light's or Ryuu's, or even both). Thanks for reading!**

**Next chapter: Hospital fluff! :3 **


	11. Falling

**A/N: The same thing happened to me twice. You think I would've learned my lesson, but noooo. I started this chapter and forgot to save the document, just like I did with 10. But this time it was a big deal, because I'd written about a page and a half and I was pretty proud of it. I totally cried, too. D:**

**Umm, just a quick note—don't freak out when I describe Ryuzaki's t-shirt as blue. X3 Knowing myself, I'd probably be bothered by it :D But it said (in passing) in the last chapter that he had to trade in his white one because it was bloody. D:**

**And now, I give you…FLUFF! (After some other stuff…OMFG THAT TTLLY RHYMED! XD)**

**Disclaimer: Death Note blah blah blah not mine blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc.**

It felt like he was falling.

He was spiraling through the black nothingness, plummeting into the void—silent and endless, beautiful and frightening. It was as exhilarating as it was terrifying, and he wondered if it would ever stop. Did he want it to end? He couldn't think of any reason to.

Somehow, though, he knew it _would_ end. He didn't know why, and he didn't know how. But he knew, and that was enough. He could feel that something—or someone—was waiting for him, and he felt like he should remember. So he waited, too.

And as he waited, he listened. He wasn't sure what for, but he would know it when he heard it; and perhaps, then, he would be able to remember.

He never stopped falling, not after what seemed like hours. It could have been mere minutes, for all he knew; time did not seem to exist in this strange vortex.

And finally, it came. It came in the form of a voice, so etched with pain that he could not recall its familiarity at first. But he instantly recognized the words it spoke; the voice had said his name. It pierced the void, reaching through the dark and deep into his core, and he found that he was no longer falling.

As tendrils of consciousness slowly wound their way through his mind, he found that he was lying down. There was a distinct numbness in his limbs and a strange ache in his chest. The dream-like haze that had surrounded his thoughts was slowly evaporating, replaced with an almost painful disorientation.

He slowly opened his eyes, bright white light spilling through his slanted lids. The light stung, causing him to take a sharp breath, and it was several moments before his eyes were able to adjust. As his vision cleared, he began to take in his surroundings: a spartanly furnished room with a drab black couch and white walls, the only splash of color belonging to a small bouquet of flowers on his bedside table. He looked down at himself, clothed in a thin gown and covered with blankets. There was a plastic tube connecting his arm to an IV, feeding into what looked like a cast of some sort. He could see bruises and cuts on his skin where it wasn't covered in bandages, slowly coming to the realization that he was in a hospital. He was still too confused for the word to mean much to him, and even his surprise at his own condition was bizarrely disconnected. His scrutiny of the room continued with the same indifferent detachment until his eyes came to rest on a familiar silhouette.

Disheveled black hair was set in a spiky halo around a pale face, features obscured by the denim fabric they were buried in. The figure was hunched over and dressed plainly, long, slender limbs draped in an oversized blue t-shirt and a baggy pair of jeans.

He blinked once, twice.

"Ryuzaki?" He asked uncertainly, the name leaving his lips before it had even entered his mind. But he recognized the man before him the second he spoke the name, leaving the now-unnecessary question hanging, unanswered, in the air between them as Ryuzaki slowly lifted his head.

"Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked—the same voice as before—as his eyes met with Light's own. Obsidian clashed with honey, and a jolt of electricity traveled down his spine. He was reminded, vaguely, of the void as he stared into those entrancing, endless black orbs. He noticed an unfamiliar sort of sadness lingering in their depths, and a sparkle of light just below caught his eyes.

It was then that he saw the tears, spilling over onto Ryuzaki's gaunt, pale cheeks, reflecting the fluorescent glow with renewed intensity.

"Ryuzaki." This time it was not a question. He grimaced inwardly at the tears, opening his mouth to acknowledge them when a pair of warm lips suddenly met his. His surprise quickly melted under the softness of the kiss, plunging his thoughts back into incoherency as a familiar sense of pleasure filled his mind. He closed his eyes and, without breaking away, reached up with his good arm to wipe away a tear. He felt Ryuzaki shiver in response, causing him to smile into the kiss as he gently rested his fingertips on the detective's cheek.

Ryuzaki pulled away, hand tightening in Light's hair as his sweet breath ghosted over the boy's face. The saccharine taste of strawberries lingered on Light's lips, and he pulled the man down by his shirt for another kiss. This one was short and chaste, but just as sweet, and Light found himself strangely dizzy from the contact as they parted. It was a pleasant sort of dizziness, he decided, looking up into Ryuzaki's strange, beautiful eyes as another smile played at the corners of his mouth.

The moments seemed to stretch and warp as he looked into those eyes, until time ceased to mean anything altogether. It was just them, them and no one else—because nothing else mattered. He forgot where he was, forgot that he didn't even know in the first place. But that didn't matter, either.

The silence between them flowed as easily and comfortably as words, but, like all things, it had to come to an end. It was some immeasurable amount of time later—a minute? an hour?—that Light finally spoke.

"Why are you crying, Ryuzaki?" he asked softly, his eyes breaking Ryuzaki's gaze to follow the path of a tear as it trailed down the man's cheek.

Ryuzaki smiled gently, reaching up to wipe it away. "Has Light-kun noticed what he looks like?"

Light looked down again, observing the abused condition of his body with a renewed interest. This time, seeing the deep cuts made him flinch, as if he were expecting sudden pain. _It's probably morphine that's keeping me numb, _he deduced with a sudden appreciation for painkillers.

"About that," he replied, eyes returning to Ryuzaki's, "…what happened to me?"

"You don't remember?"

Light thought for a moment. He remembered…a car. And Ryuzaki. _We were heading home from my house, _he recalled, racking his brain for an answer. He remembered kissing Ryuzaki, remembered his annoyance when the car had suddenly swerved…Ryuzaki was screaming his name, and then…blackness.

He couldn't remember. The realization sent his mind into a panic, and he thought harder. But it was no use; his next memory seemed much more recent, waking up in the hospital just minutes ago—there was nothing in between. "No," he whispered. "I don't…I can't—" He trailed off, looking to Ryuzaki for an explanation.

Ryuzaki's eyes were sad again as he spoke. "You were in a car crash, Light-kun. I saw it coming, but I was too late…" He was gripping his jeans tightly, his knuckles turning white and his eyes dropping to the floor as he tried to hide his emotion.

"Was it that bad?" Light asked quietly, surprised at Ryuzaki's reaction. The older man's eyes met his again, and his heart ached to see the depth of the sadness in them. He never imagined he would see Ryuzaki like this, so vulnerable…those tears had been for _him_.

"I thought you were going to die, Light-kun," Ryuzaki said, his tone weighed with immeasurable grief. He was silent for a moment before continuing: "Watari has always said that you don't realize how much you care for someone until they've been taken away from you," he whispered. "I thought that you were being taken away from me, Light, and I couldn't bear it. But, like the saying goes, it made me realize something."

"What?" Light asked weakly, overcome with emotion at Ryuzaki's words.

Ryuzaki shifted so that his face was only inches away from Light's, his sparkling onyx gaze strikingly intense, before he finally spoke.

"I love you, Light-kun."

**A/N: *fangirl squee* Finally! I've been waiting for forever to write this scene. Did the over-the-top fluff-tastic fluffiness work? Did it make you fangirl squee too? I sure hope so :) I've kind of finally accepted the fact that this story is going to be kind of OOC, but I'm trying to keep it somewhat-kind-of-but-not-really-sorta-semi-realistic (that made sense x___X)…Actually, I honestly have no earthly clue what I'm doing and am sort of just hoping it doesn't totally suck. :D**

**FYI~this chapter is called 'falling' because of the beginning, but also because of falling in love. :) Just so yah know.**

**Next Chapter: More fluff! (Who woulda guessed!?? :O)**


	12. Belonging

**A/N: SPARKLES AND RAINBOWS AND HAPPY LITTLE UNICORNS RUNNING THROUGH FIELDS OF FLOWERS. ~In other words, fluff. Lots and lots and lots of fluff. Buckets full. What's the biggest amount you can think of? Yeah. That much fluff, and then some. Multiplied by fifty.**

**Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But there's still a whole chapter's worth of fluff, and probably even a bit more. Because, next thing you know, Light's gonna be out of the hospital and the stupid Yotsuba arc will finally start. (Ewww. I'm really, really dreading that. My guess is that I'm not the only one. But don't worry. This is, by no means, the end of the fluff. ;) And if you'd be so kind, please visit my profile and vote in my Yotsuba poll. I want my story to suck as little as possible. xD)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DN. D:**

**[POV: Ryuzaki]**

For once in his life, Ryuzaki didn't know what he was doing.

But it felt so _right_, words spilling out of his mouth as easily as if he were talking about anything else. He didn't know where his words were leading any more than Light did, maybe even less…not on the surface, anyway.

Deep down inside, though, he knew. That's why, deep down inside, he wasn't surprised when those fateful words worked their way up out of his heart and through his lips. It was like a sort of epiphany, finally saying it, like he'd been waiting a long time. Like he'd known it all along.

"I love you, Light-kun," he'd said, voice barely above a whisper. And _God, _it was true, wasn't it? He loved Light. He _loved _him, more than he'd ever loved anything in his life.

More than cake, even.

But it made him a little afraid, being so vulnerable; he'd never spoken those words to anyone, not once, and now his heart was in Light's hands. He would not take them back, though, even if he could.

And so he could do nothing, then, but watch Light's reaction: watch as the warm brown eyes widened in surprise, feel his stomach flutter as a faint pink blush tinted the boy's cheeks.

"Do you really mean that, Ryuzaki?" Light whispered softly, eyes sparkling.

Ryuzaki only smiled, leaning forward to press his lips to Light's forehead in a gentle kiss. "Of course," he murmured, drawing back slightly to meet the youth's disbelieving gaze. He ran a fingertip across Light's perfect features, feeling the warmth of the boy's blush and the softness of his skin. His other hand twined itself in Light's silky hair, and he leaned down again to capture his lips in another tender kiss.

And when he coaxed Light's smooth, warm lips open with his own—something he'd thought about often but never actually had the courage to do—he almost had to pull away to stifle a moan. Light tasted so damn _good_, like he'd never imagined, and it made him wonder why he hadn't done this sooner. He could feel Light's hand on his back, then in his hair, gently pushing him closer until his veins seared like fire, and _oh God, _his _taste_…

It seemed all too soon that they broke apart, both breathless and dizzy with pleasure.

"Ryuzaki…," Light panted, delicate hand grasping the detective's shirt. His grip tightened as he leaned forward to reclaim Ryuzaki's lips. This kiss was short and chaste, but no less sweet. He lingered on Ryuzaki's jaw for a moment afterward, shifting so that his lips were at the man's ear.

"I love you too," he murmured gently, fingertips gliding across Ryuzaki's soft cheek.

Ryuzaki's entire body flooded with a sweet, wonderful warmth upon hearing those beautiful words. Light could just make him so…_happy, _and it was so good to remember what happiness felt like. Amazing. Perfect. And so, so much better than any happiness he'd ever felt before…even better than that exhilarating rush of adrenaline when he finally solved a case.

He wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

He pulled back slightly, and, before Light could protest, the detective's mouth was on his again. Their lips moved effortlessly together in perfect rhythm, and Ryuzaki's eyes slid closed.

Neither one pulled away until their immediate need for air forced them to, and Ryuzaki smiled breathlessly as Light's warm, sweet breath drifted over him. He drew back so Light could see his smile, so he could know how happy he made him.

Light smiled back, letting his hand fall from Ryuzaki's hair and trail down his chest. "Here, come lay down next to me," he suggested, wincing slightly as he slid himself to one side of the bed.

"I don't believe that bed is meant to accommodate two people, Light-kun."

"Doesn't matter. Besides, this way you won't have to lean over to kiss me," Light said with a smile.

Ryuzaki sighed before gingerly laying down next to Light, careful not to tangle himself in the IV. "Light-kun does not need to worry. I'm rather used to being in uncomfortable positions."

A strange, embarrassed sort of amusement flickered in Light's eyes, a faint pink blush creeping onto his cheeks. He averted his eyes and the blush became more pronounced

Ryuzaki was about to open his mouth to ask when he realized what Light found so funny. _I'm rather used to being in uncomfortable positions. _Oh. _Oh. _Was _that _what he was thinking?

"I was referring to my strange way of sitting, Light-kun," he clarified, and Light's blush deepened even further. Ryuzaki gently slid his fingertips under the boy's chin, angling his face so that he could see into his eyes. "And Misa calls _me _the pervert," he replied with a lopsided smile.

Light smiled back, leaning forward to place a quick, gentle kiss on his lips. "And I'm willing to bet she wasn't wrong," he said as he pulled away, voice soft and unintentionally seductive.

Ryuzaki shivered slightly. "Maybe you'll just have to find out," he responded, his voice lower than he'd meant it to be.

The way Light's eyes widened, so sweet and innocent even with that little hint of lust, made him smile again.

Light brought his hand up to Ryuzaki's cheek, finger lightly tracing the subtle upward curve in his lips. "You really should smile more," he said. "It suits you."

Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow. "That's what's so interesting about you, Light-kun," he murmured.

Light blinked, surprised and slightly confused at his response. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Ryuzaki said gently, "most people, for instance, are rather…," he paused for a moment, trying to find the right expression, "…rather disturbed by my smile. But you…" He shook his head. _You, Light-kun_, he thought, _certainly do not fit into the category of '_most people_'._

Light laughed. "Is _that _why you never smile? Because you think it creeps people out?"

"…Yes," he replied, for lack of a better answer. "Smiling has always seemed…unnatural for me."

"Does it seem unnatural now?"

"No," Ryuzaki whispered, reaching up to rest his fingertips against Light's cheek. "Not with you."

He felt Light's hand cover his own, closed his eyes as Light pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss. After they lay for another moment, the silence so comfortable and perfect that neither wanted to end it, Ryuzaki carefully slid his arms around Light, gently cradling the boy's head against his chest. He lowered his lips to Light's hair, feeling its silky texture under his fingers as he gently stroked at the soft auburn tresses.

He could hear Light's breathing, like a beautiful sort of music, slowly even out as the boy drifted in his arms. It was almost like Light belonged there, in his gentle embrace.

And it finally felt like he, L, had found somewhere he belonged, too.

**A/N: FWEEH!~How's that for fluff? :3**

**I've come up with an idea for another LxLight fic. And BB, too! I've read so many fics about B that I've been dying to write about him. If I decide not to kill off someone important, I'll make it a sequel. ;) But I'm not going to tell. And, another thing~~~I feel like my writing style has, well, changed. Is it annoying anyone? Or is it just meh? 3**


	13. Weakness

**A/N: OMGOMGOMG. I'm so sorry this took so long D: I wrote about half a chapter and then decided I hated it, so I had to **_**re**_**write it. And I don't usually do stuff like that. Talk about writer's block. :( Plus I had—well, sorta still have—the flu. Fun, right? :P So~a tad more fluff 'n such. Next chapter is the beginning of Yotsuba, 4reelz this time! xD Betcha can't wait ;D**

**Disclaimer: If Death Note were mine, LxLightxL would be cannon. (That's right folks, it's not cannon D:)**

**~Heads up: Light got out of the hospital after 2 weeks. He has several badly bruised ribs, a concussion that's almost healed, a twisted ankle that's fully healed, stitches, aaand a broken arm. Lovely, I know. Ryuu stayed w/ him the whole time in the hospital, working on the case via laptop—just in case you're curious :) This chapter starts at about the 3rd day back at the apartment.**

Ryuzaki stared at the bright computer screen, his mind absorbed in calculations as he stared at the graphs and statistics before him. He chewed on the tip of his thumb, eyes narrowing in frustration, willing some sort of abnormal pattern to appear in the charts and lists of percentages.

"You really don't sleep, do you?"

Ryuzaki jumped slightly, surprised at the sudden noise. He turned to see Light, propped up on his good elbow, studying him with an amused expression.

"Light-kun should go back to sleep. It's 3:30 A.M., and the doctor says Light-kun should get plenty of rest."

Light smiled. "You didn't answer my question."

Ryuzaki sighed. "All humans require some amount of sleep, Light-kun."

"Then how come I've never seen you sleep?"

"I've trained my body to function with very little sleep. I consider it to be a waste of time."

"That doesn't surprise me," Light replied with a laugh.

Ryuzaki leaned over to brush the hair out of the boy's eyes. "Light-kun should sleep," he said softly. "Tomorrow you resume work with the task force, and you will need plenty of energy if you plan on catching Kira."

Light considered his words for a moment. "Okay," he agreed slowly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "But…" he paused, and Ryuzaki raised an eyebrow.

"But…?" Ryuzaki prompted.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss first?"

Ryuzaki grinned. "I suppose," he said, leaning over to peck Light on the lips.

Light grimaced. "I guess you really don't care if I get to sleep, do you?"

Ryuzaki laughed, standing up to lie down next to Light. He wrapped his arms around the boy, allowing their lips to meet again. Light's hands ran along the length of his back, stopping to entwine themselves in the detective's dark locks. Ryuzaki slid his pale, slender finger along Light's jaw, and he shifted so that his lips were at his ear.

"Sleep," he murmured, feeling Light's warm, sweet breath on his thumb as it ran across his lips.

Light sighed, his body curling against Ryuzaki's. "Night, Ryuu."

"Goodnight, Light-kun."

"…Ryuzaki?"

"Yes?"

Light shifted slightly, his lips pressing against Ryuzaki's hand for a fleeting moment. "I love you."

Ryuzaki smiled in the dark, leaning over to kiss the top of Light's head. "I love you too, Light."

He closed his eyes and listened as Light's breathing slowed, feeling the rise and fall of the boy's chest under his arms. The rhythmic inhale-exhale lulled him into a dreamlike state, his thoughts slowly losing their sharp edge as he drifted towards unconsciousness.

-x-

"_Ryuzaki," Light whispered seductively, clutching at the detective's shirt._

_Ryuzaki leaned down and pressed his mouth to Light's, breath quickening as he felt the younger man's tongue trace his lower lip. Light's hand wound itself through his hair, down, along the side of his neck, across his chest. His fingers stopped right above Ryuzaki's heart, and he eased the detective down onto his back with a gentle pressure._

_Light broke away, hand still pressed against the detective's chest, and Ryuzaki's eyes fluttered open. "Light-kun," he murmured, his voice low and hoarse. "I—"_

_He stopped abruptly, mouth shutting with an audible _snap_ as he took in Light's face. _No, not Light, _he realized, a chill running along his spine as he stared up in horror at the blood red irises. There was a harsh, malevolent glint in Light's eyes, a twisted, hateful smile on his face that made Ryuzaki's blood run cold. _Not Light…Kira.

_Kira's fingers dug into Ryuzaki's chest, and he cried out in pain. Kira laughed, a cold, hard sound that made him shiver. "I've won, _L_," he spat, eyes narrowing with a gleeful sort of hatred as he descended upon the detective._

-x-

Ryuzaki gasped, the horrifying dream shattering as his eyes flew open.

_A dream. Just a dream, _he realized, eyes closing as he waited for his breathing to return to normal. He concentrated on the warmth of Light's body against his, refusing to let the disturbing nightmare permeate his thoughts.

The haunting scarlet eyes pierced the tranquil darkness of his mind, and he shivered involuntarily. "No," he whispered into Light's hair, his arms tightening around the boy's frame.

Light was _not _Kira. Not anymore. Not ever again. He would make sure of that.

But…how? What if…what if Light became Kira again? It was his duty to catch Kira. He had _sworn _to defeat him, and he was a man of his word.

…But this was different. This was _Light_. He couldn't sentence Light to death.

_Not Light_, he argued silently. _Kira._

How would he know, though, that Light wasn't still in there somewhere? How did he know that Light wouldn't fight against this…this _thing_ that possessed him? Light was strong.

And he wasn't.

He knew what he would choose, if it ever came down to it, Kira-Light against Justice. Emotion against Duty.

And, oh God, he _knew _it was wrong…but he was selfish, and he'd always said so. He was selfish and he was weak, and he would never be able to condemn Kira—not if it meant condemning Light.

Then, Kira would kill him. He would lose; he would let the world down. But…it didn't make a difference. Light's life meant so much more to him than anyone else's, including his own. He knew that the day Light became Kira would be the day his life ceased to mean anything. If Light were Kira again, he was better off dead.

It was a dangerous line he walked, and he'd know it from the start. He'd never expected to put his heart on the line, but he couldn't go back now. Wouldn't, even if he could.

He didn't regret it, no matter what it would cost him.

_Who would've guessed, _he mused silently,_ that love would be the great L's ultimate weakness?_

**A/N: PSYCHE to everyone who thought the dream would end up being a lemon ;D Told yah guys, this story's strictly T. (Nothing against lemons, tho XD) So, did you like it? Hate it? Review! And rate Light's uke-ness on a scale of 1 to 10 ;D**


	14. Yotsuba

**A/N: D: Beginning of the Yotsuba arc. Fun, right? Not :( And I would've submitted this daaays ago, but there were some problems submitting. Anyone else have problems logging in and stuff? Anyways~I got Another Note last night in the mail-took long enough-and was done with it within 2 or 3 hours. It was AMAZING. So wonderfully, deliciously convoluted. Love it. And it totally makes me want to write some Beyond Birthday. That little psycho has set the plot bunnies on me. xD So…enjoy this chapter. Threw in some fluff for yah ;D**

**Disclaimer: I no can has Death Note. :(**

**[Light's POV]**

Light sighed restlessly. God, he was so damn _bored_, and he had four more hours and a hell of a lot more grids and statistics to sift through until he could finally be alone with Ryuuzaki. Light sighed inwardly. _Alone_. Something he'd become used to with all his time in the hospital, a luxury he'd come to depend on in all the hours they'd been together. And now he was stuck searching through countless graphs. But what good was it doing? The case was at an absolute standstill—even Ryuuzaki had to admit it.

And that, of course, was a source of frustration in itself. Every day they didn't catch Kira, people died. But where could Kira be hiding in this endless string of numbers and charts?

Light sighed again, pulling open a stock graph. He stared at it for a moment, grimacing at the pointless lines before he moved to the next one.

And the next one. And the one after that…he was finally beginning to notice a sort of pattern. He returned to the first, moving more slowly this time, taking in all of the numbers. _Yes, definitely a pattern, _he decided. Yotsuba's stocks were soaring at the same time its competitors' were decreasing. On each graph, the line marked Yotsuba climbed a little higher, while all the others fell a little lower.

It wasn't entirely unnatural for one company's success to displace its competition, but there wasn't anything remotely normal about this. It was far too significant a change to be dismissed… Light opened a search engine and typed in the names of one of the other companies. There were multiple articles in the results, documenting the deaths of several important employees.

Death by heart attacks.

The same thing had occurred with all of Yotsuba's other competitors. Business leaders dropped like flies, and the companies began to decline one by one while Yotsuba only sailed higher.

But most of the deaths weren't heart attacks. Suicide, illness, car crashes…among other things. Was it possible that Kira could kill people in other ways than heart attacks? Light's breathing sped up.

Could it be…? Could Kira be working with Yotsuba? Or perhaps Kira was one of Yotsuba's own employees…

"Ryuuzaki, you should come see this."

Ryuuzaki slid his chair over. "Yes, Yagami-kun?"

Light pointed to the graphs. "Look at this. All of Yotsuba's competitors' stocks are decreasing because of major deaths. Some of them had _heart attacks_."

Ryuuzaki put a thumb to his lips and peered closer at the graphs. His eyes widened, and he turned to look at Light with a renewed determination. "Yagami-kun…I believe you have found our lead."

All other members of the task force simultaneously looked up from their laptops to stare incredulously at the two men.

"What!?" Matsuda screeched, shattering the momentary silence. "Who!?"

"We have reason to suspect that Kira may be working with or inside Yotsuba."

Aizawa frowned. "Why would Kira work with a corporation like Yotsuba? That place is full of the type of people he's trying to kill."

"Perhaps Kira's motive is for personal gain."

Matsuda frowned, confused. "But Kira's motive is to—"

"This may not be the same Kira we're dealing with," Light said.

Ryuuzaki nodded. "I agree."

"But the majority of the deaths weren't heart attacks," Light continued. "Accidents, illness, and even a suicide. You could assume that Kira can kill by other means than heart attacks."

This silence seemed to stretch longer than the last, everyone's faces evident with surprise as they absorbed the newfound information.

"Yes," Ryuuzaki said after a moment. "That's certainly a plausible theory."

"But why would Kira hire Yotsuba?"

Ryuuzaki shook his head slightly. "He wouldn't."

"So Yotsuba hired Kira."

Light frowned. "That doesn't sound very likely either."

"Maybe Kira needed money," Aizawa suggested.

"Either way," Ryuuzaki said, "There's a high probability that Kira is somehow connected to Yotsuba."

His words were met with simultaneous murmurs of agreement. "I'll infiltrate Yotsuba's computer network, then," Light offered.

"And I'll research their organizational background," Aizawa added.

All three men looked at Matsuda.

"I'll…er…," Matsuda shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"And Matsuda-kun can retrieve the coffee, if he'd be so kind."

"Sure!" Matsuda hurried from the room, and Aizawa chuckled.

Light turned back to his computer, glad to finally be doing something productive.

"Yagami-kun?" Ryuuzaki asked. Light looked in his direction, and he saw that the detective was smiling.

"Yeah?"

Ryuuzaki's smile widened. "Good work."

-x-[Later that evening…]-x-

"Checkmate."

"Hmm?" Light blinked, rubbing his eyes, and looked down at the chess board. "Oh," he said, his brow crinkling. "I guess you win again. Congratulations."

Ryuuzaki sighed. "Light-kun does not want to play chess."

"No, actually," Light responded, pausing to yawn. "I want to _sleep_."

"Light-kun said he wanted a break from work," Ryuuzaki replied, frowning.

"Yes. To _sleep_."

"Sleeping is boring."

"No 's not," Light mumbled, burying his head in a cushion. "It's wonderful."

Ryuuzaki glanced once more at the forgotten chess board before prodding Light in the shoulder. "Fine. But if you must sleep, I'd prefer if you use the bed."

Light sighed and stood up, stretching his long limbs as he stifled another yawn. He proceeded to shuffle into the bedroom and fling himself onto the bed.

"Ahh, glorious _sleep_," he murmured into the sheets, not bothering to undress.

Ryuuzaki smiled. "Light-kun is being overly dramatic."

Light rolled onto his back, eyes following Ryuuzaki as he shuffled across the carpet and sat down next to the bed. He leaned over for a kiss, but the detective ducked out of the way, a teasing smile on his face.

"No goodnight kiss?" Light asked, his lips arranged in a playful pout.

"I was under the impression that Light-kun was too tired."

"I'm never too tired for you, Ryuuzaki."

"That's nice to know."

Light stared at Ryuuzaki for another moment.

"Still no goodnight kiss?"

Ryuuzaki laughed. "Light-kun is very persistent." He leaned over and brushed his lips against Light's forehead. The boy's hand grasped the back of his neck and pulled him closer, his lips moving down Light's face, searching, until their mouths met.

He pulled away and Light's head leaned back against the pillows, letting out a contented sigh. "Satisfied?"

"Mhmm," Light murmured, his eyes closing. "Night Ryuuzaki."

Ryuuzaki smiled and pressed his lips to Light's forehead again, this time only for a moment. "Sleep well, Light-kun."

**A/N: Aaaaand the actual plot finally begins! Took long enough, huh? (Technically it's like 3 mini-plots :P) About the chapter~Okay, so technically Light's looking at the names of employees before he sees the graphs, but I accidentally wrote it the other way and I sure as hell wasn't going to change it xD Anyway, a tad of fluff there at the end. I couldn't leave you with just boring old Yotsuba. :( But it's important, and it has to happen. I'm thinking probably 7-10 more chapters, maybe more, maybe less. And I'm for some reason determined not to include Misa in this story. But it'll probably happen sooner or later. :(**

**P.S. REVIEW! ^w^ Pleeeeeeease? You know you totally want to make my day...*shakes imaginary bag of imaginary cookies* And I have cookies! ^-^**


	15. Premonitions

**A/N: Hopefully everyone who is reading this story is familiar with Death Note. If not, you might be a bit confused. ;D**

**Oh, and a quick thanks for the wonderful reviews I got for the last chapter. You guys rock! :)**

**Disclaimer: Death Note does not belong to me. Some dialogue was borrowed from Ch. 42 (p. 5-8 and p. 22) and Ch. 43 (p. 21-22) of the Death Note manga by Ohba Tsugumi and Obata Takeshi.**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

_You _idiot_, Matsuda, _Ryuzaki thought silently. The edge of his thumb worked its way between his lips, mind racing as he plotted a new strategy.

"Do you think Amane-san is with him?" Soichiro wondered aloud.

Light sighed. "You never know with Matsuda." He turned to Ryuzaki, frowning. "What do we do, Ryuzaki? We can't let them know we've been investigating them…"

Ryuzaki nodded before turning to Soichiro. "Yagami-san, please call Matsui."

"Wait," Light sputtered. "Isn't that a bit risky?"

Ryuzaki smiled, taking the phone from Soichiro. "I'll play my cards right."

He held the phone up to his ear, letting it dangle from his thumb and forefinger.

"H-hello?" Matsuda's voice asked.

"Yo, Matsui. It's me, Asahi."

"Asahi…hey man…" He could hear the recognition in Matsuda's voice.

"You at home, man? Alone?"

"Y-yeah…why?"

Ryuzaki covered the receiver, turning to Light and Soichiro. Light was smiling, obviously trying to hide his amusement. "Matsuda is alone, without Amane-san," he informed them. _Alone, inside Yotsuba. _It went without saying that Matsuda had gotten himself into quite a bit of trouble.

Soichiro raised an eyebrow in surprise as he uncovered the receiver and brought the phone back to his face. "Wanna hit the bars tonight?"

"The bars…Uh, I guess not tonight."

"Why not? Financial situation in a tight spot again?"

There was a pause on the line as Matsuda processed his words. "Yeah," he replied, laughing nervously. "You know about my money better than I do."

Ryuzaki put his hand over the receiver again. "Matsuda's in a tight spot," he said to the task force before returning to the phone. "Oh well, maybe some other time then, Matsui. See ya around." He snapped the phone shut and handed it back to Soichiro. "Yagami-kun, could you please call Misa-san's private cell?"

Light took out his phone and dialed Misa's number.

"No good," he said after a moment. "I got the answering machine."

Ryuzaki nodded. "I suppose we'll just have to see what happens, then."

"But if Matsuda dies…!" Soichiro argued.

Mogi nodded. "We can't afford to lose another member of the task force."

"That's true," Ryuzaki said, "but if Matsuda-san _does _die, our suspicions of Yotsuba will be confirmed."

"We can't do anything?" Light asked.

Ryuzaki put a thumb to his lips. _If we act now…no. We can't afford that sort of risk. _"I'm afraid we have no choice. We cannot take the chance of alerting Yotsuba of our suspicions."

Soichiro nodded slowly. "I suppose you're right."

Ryuzaki sighed inwardly. The entire operation was in jeopardy, and he could only sit there and wait for something to happen.

That was, of course, the most frightening part. All he had to go on was his trust in Matsuda—which admittedly wasn't much._ If it had been anyone else…_, he thought to himself, _preferably Light._ Ryuzaki knew that Light was more than capable of working his way out of almost any situation.

But, then again, the thought of Light alone in Yotsuba…so close to Kira…

He hugged his knees tighter. _It's no use dwelling on what could be_, he reasoned. It was Matsuda who has gotten himself stuck inside Yotsuba—not Light—and it was up to Matsuda to get himself out.

And there was absolutely nothing he could do except sit there and wait for something to happen.

…It was going to be a long night.

-x-[The next morning…]-x-

**[Light's POV]**

"Good morning, Light-kun."

Light yawned, blinking groggily as he sat up. "Morning, Ryuzaki. What time is it?"

"6:30. The task force should be here in a half-hour."

Light nodded and stretched his arms. "How's Matsuda?"

"Officially dead, according to today's paper." Ryuzaki handed him the newspaper. Sure enough, there was a section in the obituary that read, '_Drunk and fell to his death; Teru Matsui, manager of Misa Amane._'

Light shook his head slowly. "Matsuda's a lucky man."

"Indeed."

"So…how did you sleep?" Light asked.

Ryuzaki smiled at his joke. Light knew better than anyone that he hadn't slept at all last night—or most nights, for that matter. "Fine," he replied. "And yourself?"

"All right." Light said, casting his eyes downward. It was a lie, and they both knew it. Ryuzaki was silent, and Light could feel the detective's gaze on him.

"They're getting worse," he whispered, eyes closing. "The nightmares..." _Red…dark red, the color of blood. Everywhere…in his hair, in his hands... And he was laughing—a sick, hollow laugh. Laughing at the death, laughing because it was _L's _blood in his hands, and he had _won_…_

He felt Ryuzaki's thin arms wrap around him, warm and comforting. "It's okay," he murmured in Light's ear. "They're just dreams."

"Just dreams…," Light repeated to himself, not quite convinced. They _weren't _just dreams, though…dreams had some sort of intangible quality to them that divided them from reality. But the nightmares were different. Sometimes the nightmares felt more like memories, and sometimes they took on a separate feeling altogether. Not quite reality—or an alternate one, perhaps, some twisted world that lurked in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind… It was so _real_, and that terrified him.

He turned to Ryuzaki, clutching at the detective's shirt. "I don't want you dead," he whispered into the thin cottony fabric.

Ryuzaki's arms tightened around him. "I know."

-x-[Several days later…]-x-

"Getting close to Yotsuba by pretending to be Coil...Aiber is doing well," Light said. And by getting closer to Yotsuba, they were getting closer to Kira; he could _feel _it. Almost like a premonition of sorts…

It excited him, but it scared him, too. He didn't understand why, but he felt like something was about to happen.

"I'd prefer he not do something as dangerous as showing his face. But it's a good plan, so I didn't complain," Ryuzaki responded, interrupting his musings.

"Ryuzaki?" A computerized voice said as a W came floating on to the computer screen. "It's Weddie this time."

"Connect her."

"Ryuzaki? This is Weddie. And guess what? Yotsuba's main security system is no better than any plain Japanese companies. All they do is tie up the security service…" She proceeded to explain her plan.

"Watari has hired a spyware professional," Ryuzaki said. "Do you think you could get in tomorrow night and help him set up the bugs and cameras?"

"Sure," Weddie replied, and then there was a soft click as the line went dead.

"Now if they hold the meeting on Friday, we might see something happen like you told us, Ryuzaki." An involuntary shiver travelled down Light's spine. He knew he should be excited…it was irrational, really, to be worried.

But, no matter what, he couldn't shake the feeling that everything was about to change.

**A/N: How's that for foreshadowing? XD Hope I didn't lay it on **_**too **_**thick. Oh, hell, I know I did. ;D But I'm sure we all know what's going to happen anyway. FYI~I was thinking about naming this chapter 'Nightmares', but I decided his nightmares were a sort of premonition anyway. So…please review! Reviews are like fluff—the more the merrier. :3**


	16. Nightmares

***SPOILER* for L's real name. (It's not what you think, guys ;D)**

**A/N: I think my teachers are secretly conspiring to prolong the release of my chapters. D:**

**Disclaimer: Obha Tsugumi and Obata Takeshi are the owners of Death Note. I am neither of them. So, unfortunately, I do not own Death Note. D:**

**[Ryuzaki's POV]**

The nightmares were getting worse.

It hurt, to see Light in so much pain. Holding him night after night as he tossed and whimpered, whispering soothing words in his ear…it was always difficult for the both of them, but it had never been this bad.

"Mmm…nn…no!" Ryuzaki could feel Light's body tense in his arms. "Nn…please, no…"

"Shhh," Ryuzaki murmured, stroking the boy's hair gently. He pulled him closer, too concerned to notice the perspiration that dampened Light's clothes seeping through his own shirt.

It wasn't hard to imagine what was causing the nightmares. They were just an embodiment of Light's conscience, plaguing him in his sleep for horrible things he had no memories of doing.

…Weren't they?

He had to wonder. If that was true, then shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't the nightmares be getting _better _with time?

And his theory didn't explain the fear in Light's eyes. The guilt, the terror; it was only normal. But—and he couldn't quite explain to himself how he knew this—Light's fear wasn't for what he had been. It was for what he was _going _to be.

It scared the hell out of him. Because, the second Light became Kira again, they were both as good as dead. But Light—Kira, he would live on.

The great detective L was strong. Courageous. Determined. L was, however, nothing more than a letter on a computer screen. But L Lawliet, the man who'd fallen in love with Light, was not. L Lawliet could feel, he could bleed…and he could break. He was far more delicate than he cared to admit, and he knew that Kira's return would certainly break him. No; it would do more than that. It would shatter him.

He was only human, after all; a living, breathing human being—as much as he liked to pretend otherwise.

Humans were selfish, weak, emotional…he was all of those things. And he'd hidden it well, up until now. He'd feigned indifference all his life, paraded around with an emotionless mask for so long that he had almost let it become him. But he couldn't pretend anymore; he loved Light, no matter what he became.

And he, L Lawliet, would die for Light; it was that simple.

Oh, and he liked to imagine it wasn't. He liked to think that his duty to the world, to the name of justice, made his decision just a bit harder. But it didn't, really. It never had, because he'd known the answer from the second he first found himself asking the question—maybe even before that. He'd let Light—and now Kira, too, in a way—get under his skin, and he couldn't find it in himself to be sorry for that. He felt guilty, perhaps, but that didn't change anything.

A terrified, wordless scream startled him out of his thoughts, and Light's body began to writhe in his arms.

"NO!" Light cried, the pain in his voice cutting Ryuzaki like a knife. "No, no…no…Ryuzaki…no...," the boy repeated as consciousness began to take hold, curling into himself while his voice faded into quiet sobs.

Ryuzaki placed a soothing hand on Light's back. "Shh," he said softly. "I'm here."

"Ryuzaki," Light whispered, his breath coming fast. He repeated the name to himself, if only to prove that he was awake.

"I'm here, Light-kun," Ryuzaki murmured in response, pressing his lips to the boy's hair. He lay there for several moments, drying Light's tears and listening to his breathing slow until the boy turned to face him.

"I need to tell you something, Ryuzaki," Light said quietly. He was strangely coherent for just having waken up, the detective observed; even in the dark, Ryuzaki could see that intriguing spark of intelligence in his eyes, accompanied by a strange mix of urgency and hesitation.

"Yes, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki replied, gently sweeping Light's bangs aside with pale, slender fingers.

Light closed his eyes and took a deep, painful breath. "I…I think you were right, Ryuzaki. I think I am—I was—Kira."

Ryuzaki did not react, save for the sudden tensing in his muscles and a sharp, surprised exhale of breath. He had _not _been expecting that.

"And," Light continued, "I'm afraid I'm going to…I'm going to become Kira again."

No. No, no, no, _no_. He didn't want to hear this, he didn't want to think about this—not when he wasn't even quite ready to admit it to himself yet.

"You need to lock me up," Light whispered, burying his face in Ryuzaki's chest. Ryuzaki could feel fresh tears soaking through his shirt. "Lock me up where I can't hurt you."

Ryuzaki's arms tightened around Light. He felt numb inside. "No," he murmured aloud.

Light looked up at him, blinking in surprise. "You have to…I might try to kill you, Ryuzaki."

"I don't care," Ryuzaki said firmly. "I love you. I can't…I can't do that to you."

Flickers of pain and warmth simultaneously crossed Light's features at hearing Ryuzaki's words.

"But," he continued, pulling the boy closer, "I can promise that I'll do everything in my power to assure that that doesn't happen."

Light lay his head on Ryuzaki's chest, arms winding themselves around the other man's neck.

There was a tense silence before he spoke again.

"I'm scared, Ryuzaki," he whispered, his voice fragile and broken and so heartbreakingly _vulnerable_.

Ryuzaki remembered a time—it felt so long ago—that he had ached to see Light stripped of his perfection, unraveled and exposed until he was nothing more than himself—none of those infuriating pretenses. He wanted to know that Light was as breakable and as human as he was, somewhere deep inside. And now that he had seen it, he found he no longer wanted to know. Because it _hurt_, it hurt like hell; it hurt to be strong for Light when he was really so weak…but one of them had to be.

And, God, Light _needed _him right now.

"I know," he whispered back, stroking Light's hair soothingly. "I know you're scared." _I am, too._

**A/N: Ehmagawd, I did /not/ plan on that. But I'm so very proud of myself for finding a way to avoid writing the Yotsuba climax XD [Sorry to everyone who was looking forward to that; it's just that you all already know what happens there..] Anyway, you'll see. Soon. :D**

**P.S.~Anybody think Light's decision was a bit out of the blue? I mean, he's been having these dreams for awhile and one could assume that he's been thinking about it, but…I dunno. :/ Tell me if you do. And revieeeeeeeew! Reviews are my antidrug. XD**


	17. Departure

**A/N: Don't hate me D: I know I'm a jerk for being so late~~you know I love you guys. ^w^**

**This chapter takes place during the Yotsuba climax, when Ryuzaki flies a helicopter. Except, in **_**my **_**story, Light doesn't go with him [because Ryuzaki thinks it's better he avoids any sort of actual interaction with Kira].**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. [How's that for a creative disclaimer? ;D]**

**[Light's POV]**

A computerized voice drifted over the speakers, startling Light out of his frantic thoughts.

"The helicopter is ready, Ryuzaki."

Light's grip on the back of Ryuzaki's chair tightened. _Oh God, _he thought. _This is it._

Ryuzaki stood slowly, turning to face Light with fire in his eyes.

_Determination_, Light realized, finding a name for the emotion that stirred in the detective's gaze. They were _so _close to Kira…and yet, the closer they got, the more dangerous it became.

"Yagami-kun, please follow me," Ryuzaki said.

"Wait!" Misa chirped behind him. "Is Light going with you?"

Ryuzaki's stormy grey eyes fixed themselves on Misa's. "No," he replied blandly. "Yagami-kun will be with you again in a moment."

Misa nodded, satisfied, and turned to peck Light on the cheek. "Don't take too long, Light!" she said cheerfully. "Misamisa will miss you."

"I'll only be gone for a few minutes, Misa," Light muttered, stepping out of her embrace as he followed Ryuzaki.

He didn't hear Misa's response, his mind in a haze as Ryuzaki closed the door behind them. He silently followed the older man up a flight of stairs, into a small room lined with shelves full of electronic equipment. He could hear—and _feel_—the helicopter outside, the raucous machine sending small tremors through the ground.

Ryuzaki turned to face him.

"Duty calls, Light-kun," he said with a sad smile, reaching out to entwine his fingers with Light's.

The words stirred an uncomfortable ache in Light's chest. He stepped closer, taking Ryuzaki's other hand in his. "I might never see you again," he said quietly, the realization sending his mind reeling.

_What if…_

What if he really _didn't _ever see Ryuzaki again?

Ryuzaki grasped his hands firmly. "I'm not going to leave you," he said, a fierce resolve in his voice.

Light shook his head slowly, eyes falling to his feet. "You can't promise that."

A gentle hand angled his chin upwards until his gaze met Ryuzaki's again.

"I can," Ryuzaki said, "And I will. I _will _come back." Suddenly, he pulled Light into a tight embrace, hands twining reassuringly in the boy's silky hair.

Light's arms wound themselves slowly around the detective's thin frame. "It's dangerous out there, Ryuzaki," he murmured.

And he wanted, _so _much, to go with him. He wanted to be there with Ryuzaki, be there to protect him if anything went wrong. But they both knew, with some strange, unexplainable intuition, that this would be a grave mistake. They'd agreed that, both with his nightmares and Ryuzaki's theory, it was best that he stayed behind if the situation ever forced Ryuzaki's sudden departure.

Their decision had brought some relief, but it did not soothe his uneasiness. It felt almost as if they were only temporarily evading something, instead of avoiding it altogether. He could feel it at the fringes of his mind, seeping into his very bones—always there, always pushing closer—a sort of premonition…

The feeling sent a chill down his spine, and Ryuzaki's arms tightened around him.

"Everything's going to be all right, Light-kun," Ryuzaki murmured into his ear, as if sensing his thoughts. He pulled back slightly to place a gentle, unexpected kiss on Light's lips.

Light could feel it there, too, in the kiss; the fear, the feeling that everything was about to change. But even stronger, in the space between their lips as they parted, was the bittersweet sadness of Ryuzaki's looming departure.

He knew that the possibility of Ryuzaki's death was not a part of the premonitions that haunted him. But knowing that made the situation no less dangerous than it had been before, and he still feared for Ryuzaki's life.

Ryuzaki hadn't left his side in months, and now—when Light needed him most—he was leaving, going off and risking his life to catch Kira.

He knew that he shouldn't be worried.

But the mere _possibility _that Ryuzaki might never come back was so hauntingly painful that he couldn't even think to imagine it as a reality.

He would be brave, though. He would be brave for Ryuzaki, because it was all he had to give.

Still, it was not without effort that he untangled himself from Ryuzaki's embrace. His heart was thudding in his chest as he spoke the single, painful word: "Go."

Ryuzaki held his gaze for a moment longer before placing another swift kiss on his lips.

His eyelids fluttered closed to the familiar sensation, but he did not open them even as he felt Ryuzaki pull away. There was a sudden burst of cool, crisp night air as a door opened in front of him, and he could hear footsteps receding into the distance, fading as they were overtaken by the raucous drone of the helicopter. He listened to the machine's steady hum as it drowned out his thudding heartbeats, trying hard to suppress his emotions.

When his eyes finally did open, Ryuuzaki was already in the helicopter. Light watched with a grim sort of fixation as the machine's blades churned the night air, its thick metal frame rising, slowly but steadily, from the concrete landing pad.

His gaze didn't stray from the helicopter as it lifted into the midnight sky. It climbed until it was high above even the tallest buildings, and he had to strain his eyes to see it as it traveled farther away. When he could see it no more, he turned and, closing the door with a resigned sigh, made his way back to the main room.

**A/N: Haha! I have successfully avoided Light becoming Kira.**

…**For now, that is.**

**But I have better things in mind ;)**

**Reviewwwwwwwwww. Tell me how you think Light's going to become Kira again! ;D Let's see if we can get a hundred reviews by Ch. 25. Hundredth reviewer will get...something. A request, I guess. ^w^**

**Next Chapter: Higuchi gets p'owned, and Light and Ryuzaki celebrate. ;D**


	18. Notebook

**A/N: I am SO VERY SORRY for making you wait so long D: I have four projects and three papers to work on, and it's so hard to find time to write. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out more quickly. (Reviews help, of course ;D)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Some dialogue may resemble that of the subs/dubs on Episode 24.**

**[POV: Ryuzaki]**

He looked more animalistic than human, Ryuzaki decided, watching as Higuchi's wild eyes flicker fearfully from the helicopter to the police cars, and then back again. It almost reminded him of a mouse he had once cornered as a child at Whammy's; there was that same sort of desperate panic, rising with every movement…It was raw. Primitive. The one basic, instinctual emotion that all creatures possessed—_fear_.

_And dangerous_, he thought, remembering how the mouse had just stood there, afraid and frightened, until it suddenly, unexpectedly snapped— and then, before he knew it, the damn thing had bitten him. _Hard_.

But this time…this time, he wouldn't wait for that to happen.

"Yagami-san ," he said, speaking into his headset. "Are you prepared to make the arrest?"

There was a moment of static, and then a firm, decisive reply: "Yes, Ryuzaki."

"Please remember to be careful, and do not allow him to see your face."

"Of course."

"And Watari, please be prepared to incapacitate Higuchi if needed."

"Understood."

Ryuzaki paused, the edge of his thumb sliding between his lips before he spoke again. "Yagami-san," he continued after a moment, "please proceed."

He could hear the sound of a door being opened and closed through his headset, and then Soichiro and Mogi emerged from the car and began to move toward Higuchi. After a brief exchange with the former police chief, Aizawa exited his own vehicle and the men continued forward. They positioned themselves around Higuchi, faces obscured by thick black helmets as Soichiro stepped forward.

"Hands above your head," he commanded in an authoritative voice.

Slowly, reluctantly, Higuchi raised his hands.

"You are under arrest for being the second Kira."

In a single, swift movement, Aizawa had Higuchi's hands cuffed behind his back. Mogi stepped forward to secure a blindfold around his head, obscuring his defeated expression from view.

"We've apprehended him, Ryuzaki," Chief Yagami said, eyeing Higuchi with what could only be described as disgust.

"Good," Ryuzaki replied. "Mogi, please give him a headset."

"Roger."

He could hear Higuchi's harsh, ragged breathing as a headset was placed on his head.

"Higuchi."

_Silence_.

"…Kira."

There was a murmur of acknowledgement this time, a grudging admittance of defeat.

Ryuzaki's eyes narrowed, his every word ringing sharp and clear. "_Tell me how you kill_."

Higuchi paused, and then a bitter, unexpected laugh crackled through Ryuzaki's headset. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Ryuzaki felt a twinge of curiosity at the vaguely promising words. "Please understand that I am prepared to go to any means necessary to extract the information from you."

"…Fine," Higuchi agreed gruffly, his voice laced with resentment. "There's a notebook, in my car. I just…write down a name…"

"And?" Ryuzaki prompted.

"And that's it. They die."

_How--_?

But, no; Higuchi would have nothing to gain by lying—so it must be true.

_A killer notebook, _He thought. _How…interesting._

"…Yagami-san? The notebook?"

"Yes, Ryuuzaki, it's here in his bag."

Ryuzaki opened his mouth to reply, but he was interrupted by a sudden, terrified scream.

"M-m-monster!" Soichiro sputtered, the notebook dropping from his hands. He stared, pointing in horrified bewilderment at some unseen creature.

"Yagami-san?" Ryuzaki inquired curiously.

"Chief?" Mogi asked, bending down to pick up the notebook. "Are you—" His eyes suddenly snapped up, and he dropped to the ground with a screech. "What _is _that thing!??"

Ryuzaki craned his neck, trying in vain to see the object of their terror—but there was nothing there.

…_What was going on?_

"The…the notebook," Mogi stammered, "only people who touch the notebook c-can see—,"

Ryuzaki interrupted him mid-sentence. "Bring it here, please."

"Of…of course." Mogi lifted himself off the ground, slowly making his way towards the helicopter without diverting his eyes from the supposed creature.

Several moments later he found himself being offered a black notebook, ordinary save for the English words 'Death Note' emblazoned on the cover. There was, in fact, nothing extraordinarily unusual about its appearance…and yet he sensed that something was grotesquely wrong with the image before him. He couldn't see so much as feel it, like a sort of darkness emanating from the notebook itself…

He gingerly reached for the notebook, fingers cautiously descending upon the cover. His stomach turned at the moment his fingertips touched the notebook's surface, and he fought the urge to withdraw his hand. Instead he took the notebook between his thumb and forefinger and lifted it so that it dangled before him.

"Do you see it?" Mogi whispered urgently, drawing him from the depths of his disturbed fascination.

Ryuzaki's head snapped up; he had nearly forgotten. It was a moment before his eyes finally rested upon the creature—tall, lanky, with an almost skeletal structure, spikes jutting from the shoulder bones. And piercing yellow eyes…

"_Shinigami_," he murmured.

And the notebook…

_Notebook_…

_May 22__nd__: My friend and I showed off our notebooks in Aoyama._

Light had gone to Aoyama on the 22nd, and Misa had admitted to first seeing him there while under detainment. It all fit.

_Notebooks. _That meant…there had to be two notebooks, maybe even more.

And the case couldn't be solved, not as long as there was still another notebook out there.

"Yagami-san," he said. "Please take Higuchi to the car."

"Right," Soichiro responded, still flustered. Ryuzaki watched as he escorted Higuchi into a police car, waiting until they were out of view to glance back down at the Death Note.

His grip tightened on the cover, as if the notebook were drawing him in. There was something compelling about it, something that almost made him want to try it.

He grimaced, gingerly placing the notebook on the seat beside him and regarding it with disgust. He read the words at the top again, a sudden, involuntary shiver travelling down his spine.

_Death Note._

**A/N: Hardest chapter to write so far, next to the car crash. D: And I'm sorry for the absolute lack of fluff or general cuteness in this chapter~I know I promised celebration. I'll try my best to make up for it next chapter :) **

**Every time you don't review, a puppy dies. Please, think of the puppies. D:**


	19. Promise

**A/N: I know. I'm a very horrible person. :( Please forgive me for taking so horribly long, I've had the most insane writer's block with this story. D: And it doesn't help to be attacked by plot bunnies for a trillion other stories while I'm sitting here trying to write this one! I'm going to do everything I can to try not to let this happen again, and I hope this chapter can at least start to make up for it. :)**

**Btw, did anyone else see L: Change the World in theaters on the 29****th****/30****th****? I went with xxxxLisforLovexxxx and it was the most fun I've had in a really long time.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note (which I don't D:), there would be fluff galore.**

**[POV: Ryuzaki]**

"Please understand, _Kira_, that you are in no position to deny us information."

Higuchi gave no response, but the sudden irregularity of his breath—the sole inclination of fear—did not escape Ryuzaki's notice.

"_Higuchi_." Ryuzaki's voice rang sharp and clear, cutting across Higuchi's indifference. "You _will_ speak."

His comment was followed by a tense silence, acknowledged by a subtle inkling of fear in Higuchi's eyes as he glanced towards the camera.

He responded in a trembling voice, barely concealing his turbulent fright. "I won't…I won't answer."

"You won't…," Ryuzaki repeated smoothly, "Or you can't?"

Higuchi tensed, and the reaper moved behind him.

_Ah_, Ryuzaki thought, his eyes shifted infinitesimally towards the shinigami. _Now I understand._

"Reaper-sama, is Higuchi at liberty to participate in this interrogation?"

The shinigami's eyes snapped up to meet the camera, blazing an angry yellow. "No, he is not," she replied, a careful pause belying a strange sense of caution.

"Why not?"

"The secrets of the Death Note cannot be revealed to those who do not own them."

Ryuzaki nodded absently, the tip of his thumb slipping past his lips as he contemplated her response. He'd expected as much.

"Tell me, Reaper-sama…," he said after a moment's thought. "Do you know who owned this notebook before Higuchi?"

"No," she replied quickly.

And yet, not quickly enough. He saw it, if just barely—that brief, hidden flash of her eyes, the way her fists clenched ever so slightly… she _knew_. Could it be possible that the reaper was the key to Kira?

She would not willingly tell him the information he needed to know; he'd gathered as much in the last few hours. And she apparently has a reason for being so secretive…but he wouldn't concern himself with trying to discern her motives.  
He would test her, then, he decided. Ask her questions, wait for her to slip up—mind games.

He heard a gentle sigh behind him, and he could see Light's eyes on him in his peripheral vision. Light's face was contemplative, calculating…he knew at once that they had already reached the same conclusion.

The reaper knew; it was certainly a probable deduction. The question was how, _how _would they trick it out of her? He needed to weigh the variables, formulate the perfect questions. He needed time.

And, more pressingly, he was exhausted. Rare, for him, but he could feel the ache of tiredness slowly steal away at his focus. He wanted, now, nothing more than to see Light, to think, and to _sleep_. And he knew, quite certainly, that he was not the only one in need of rest.

He turned in his chair to meet the eyes of the task force members, allowing them a moment of hollow regard before his eyes came to rest on Light's. "That will be all tonight," he said, fingers drifting over the soundboard so Higuchi could hear his comment, too. He then turned off the speakers, giving the task force his full attention. "I have decided that, as we are all in need of a break, to recommence the interrogation tomorrow morning. Please be here at 8 o'clock sharp."

"Really?" Matsuda asked from the couch, startled out of his reverie. "We get to go home now?"

Ryuzaki merely nodded, turning back to the screens as the men gathered their coats to leave.

Light hovered near him, waiting until the last one had left to place his hand on Ryuzaki's chair. "Why'd you stop?" he asked. "We could've gotten somewhere."

Ryuzaki smiled, turning in his chair to face Light. "I'm quite tired, Light-kun."

Light laughed gently. "That's a first."

Ryuzaki nodded. "I suppose it is rather unusual."

Light moved closer to him, running a hand across his shoulder. "Any other reason?" He whispered into the detective's ear.

Ryuzaki tilted his head upwards, bringing a hand to Light's jaw. He watched Light close his eyes as he lightly traced the smooth skin there, letting his other hand wind itself into the boy's hair and cup the edge of his neck. Then, gently, he leaned him forwards until their lips met.

Light's hands brushed against his shoulders, moving upwards, cradling his jaw for a moment before twining themselves into his disheveled raven locks. Their lips moved, soft and insistent against one another for several sweet moments before Ryuzaki pulled away.

"I wanted to see you, of course," he breathed, running his thumb across Light's bottom lip.

Light smiled, fingers curling around his and guiding his hand down to press it over his heart. Ryuzaki looked down at their entwined hands, feeling the gentle flutter of a heartbeat under his fingertips. "Ryuzaki," Light whispered, tilting his chin upwards with his other hand. Ryuzaki could see that his eyes were serious, a subtle undercurrent to their soft sepia gleam. "I want you to promise me something."

Light's words surprised him. And yet not so much as his reaction, a deep-set and instinctive trust that seemed to belie his suspicious nature. "Anything," he whispered back, feeling every ideal that he'd ever stood for fade away into a flawed, foreign sense of humanity.

"Promise me…," Light murmured, gaze falling as his voice faded into silence. His fingers tensed against Ryuzaki's, and he looked up again with burning eyes. "Promise me that if I ever become Kira again, you'll kill me."

**A/N: Didn't expect that, did you? :O **

**Review! Reviews are to me as sweets are to L and L is to Light. =D Plus only 8 reviews left to go until 100! (100****th**** reviewer gets something special, so remember to review in this and the next few chapters. :D) **


	20. Calm

**A/N: **No excuses this time. I am really sorry D: I just get so frustrated with this story…I hate feeling like its not good enough, y'know? Like I can do better. But…whatever. I started this story for fun, and there's no way I'm going to let myself get to the point where I have to force myself to write it. And I'm sure as hell not abandoning this story, either. I'd never do that to you guys ;D

So, enjoy the chapter—angst (and ridiculous amounts of foreshadowing!!) abounds!—and hopefully another one will be out soon! :)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Death Note or any of its characters.

_"Ryuzaki," Light whispered, tilting his chin upwards with his other hand. Ryuzaki could see that his eyes were serious, a subtle undercurrent to their soft sepia gleam. "I want you to promise me something."_

_Light's words surprised him. And yet not so much as his reaction, a deep-set and instinctive trust that seemed to belie his suspicious nature. "Anything," he whispered back, feeling every ideal that he'd ever stood for fade away into a flawed, foreign sense of humanity._

"_Promise me…," Light murmured, gaze falling as his voice faded into silence. His fingers tensed against Ryuzaki's, and he looked up again with burning eyes. "Promise me that if I ever become Kira again, you'll kill me."_

His words were followed by a surprised silence, and Ryuzaki could feel the aching echo of the words slowly build in his chest with each agonizing heartbeat.

"Light-kun," he said finally, drawing back, "I—"

"No." Light's grip on his shirt tightened, and his eyes burned brighter. "Ryuzaki…you said _anything_. This…this is what I want. I want you to be safe."

"I can't," Ryuzaki whispered, feeling his throat swell as hot pinprick tears settled at the edges of his eyes. "I can't do that to you."

Light pressed his lips to Ryuzaki's, gently, sadly. "You're L…you can do anything. You…you _have _to."

Ryuzaki cast his eyes away. "It's not that simple," he said quietly, voice mirroring his own doubts.

"Yes, it is," Light countered, his voice achingly gentle. "Kira…it's your duty to kill him."

Ryuzaki drew back, feeling a pang in his chest at the words. "Don't preach to me, Light," he said, his voice hard.

Light was quiet, and he could feel the pain of his words etched into the silence. "You can't know," he murmured suddenly, his eyes finding Light's. "You can't know that you're going to become Kira again. I…I won't let it happen."

Light took his hand in an almost cautious grip, and he felt his heartbeat sputter. _Why did this feel so much like goodbye?_

"But I _do _know, Ryuzaki…I—I know you can feel it too." His grip on Ryuzaki's hand tightened unconsciously. "Like…like something is about to happen."

Ryuzaki shook his head, refusing to acknowledge the churning in his stomach at the truth of those words. "Light-kun does not trust me to keep him safe."

Light reached up a hand to run his fingers against Ryuzaki's cheek. Ryuzaki closed his eyes at the pleasant sensation, the stir of anxiety slowing his reason. "Of course I do," Light murmured gently, warm fingertips sliding along the detective's smooth jaw. "But…" Ryuzaki opened his eyes as Light's hand fell limply to the side.

Light's eyes were sad, settled with a gentle melancholy in the shining rim of unshed tears, and Ryuzaki watched them slide closed as he leaned forward to press his lips to the boy's forehead. There was a sort of silent understanding that flowed between them, painfully awash with uncertain promises; and in that instant they both knew—there was no escaping it.

"It's like the calm before the storm, isn't it?" Light whispered, his voice shadowed by a gentle foreboding.

Ryuzaki could only nod and draw the boy closer, eyes drifting closed as he felt warm arms wrap around his waist. Auburn hair brushed against his neck, followed by soft, gentle lips, and he suddenly found his eyes blurring with unshed tears. There was an undeniable ring of finality to the moment, and he couldn't bear to think what it might mean.

"L," Light breathed against his skin, tasting the sound of his name. There was no need for pretense here, in the space between them.

Ryuzaki shivered as Light closed that space, body pressing against his in a tender embrace. His lips reached up, found the detective's for a brief moment before pulling away.

"Promise me," he whispered, breath sweet against Ryuzaki's lips.

Ryuzaki's hands fisted in Light's shirt, and he pulled back. "No."

"Ryuzaki—,"

"Later, Light-kun," he murmured, his voice laced with a heavy, forlorn note.

"_No_," Light protested. "Ryuzaki—" His hands reached up to brush away tussled midnight bangs. "There may not _be _a later."

He held the detective's gaze, honeyed eyes bright with weary determination. Ryuzaki opened his mouth to speak…

And was interrupted by the sudden, familiar voice of Watari. "Ryuzaki?"

Both men averted their gazes to the singular, gothic _W _floating on the lonely white computer screen, and Ryuzaki responded with a simple, surprised, "yes?"

"Ryuzaki," the voice continued sounding unusually flustered, "Higuchi is dead."

Gazes clashed, topaz and obsidian, and there was a sudden flurry of movement as the monitors flickered to live around them.

The storm had finally come.

**A/N:** DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DIDYAH? :O ((And yes, I'm an evil, sadistic bitch, and I know it. xD)) + srreh that it is so short. D:

P.S. THANK YOU FOR +100 REVIEWS!!! ILY ALL!! *hugs* You people are beyond amazing. I wish I could give you all cookies. XD And a special thanks to the ever-lovely Donatellolover, who is my 100th reviewer. You can thank her for the ravenous plot bunny that has spawned a new story for you to look forward to. ((And did I mention that it will include B?? XD))

P.S.S. Reviews make me update faster! :3 Oh, and reviewing also decreases the likelihood of spontaneous combustion by 35%. No joke. XD


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